As a matter of fact, I never promised you that your life would be fair.
You really should get used to it now..
Life is NOT fair.
The sooner you learn to accept this fact, the better off you'll be.
Now that you know this you can refrain from informing me ten-thousand times a day that It's not fair.
Oh and by the way...
I really don't care if you were sitting there first.
Seriously, does it really matter?
Each of the cushions on the couch face the same place, what does it matter which one you sit on?
Is this really something worth fighting over?
I think not.. and I really don't care!
Shut the door.
Yes.. as a matter of fact, he IS allowed to look at you!
Oh and are you on fire?
Is there water flooding the house?
Is a stranger after you?
Are you bleeding profusely?
Then DO NOT SCREAM!
I am very happy he farted, thank you for pointing it out to me.
Now means now.
Not in a minute, Not in a little bit, Not when your ready, Not when you think it's time, Not during a commercial, Not when you feel like it...
...it means NOW!
I know for a fact you see that piece of trash on the floor.
Even though you pretend not to see it and walk around it every time you pass through the room in hopes someone else will bend over and pick it up.
You know you see it, I know you see it.
PICK IT UP!!!
Shut The Door!
It's your turn?
Would you like a cookie?
Get over it and stop telling me it's your turn... I don't really care!
I am in the bathroom, I did not run away...
I promise I will come out as soon as I am done, do you really have to come looking for me every time I disappear into that little room?
There is no exit from it, have faith, I will be out soon, so Go Away and leave me alone to do what one does in the bathroom....
all will be well with the world once more as soon as I am finished, I promise.
SHUT THE DOOR!
It's called a phone. I am allowed to talk on it for 5 min without being interrupted. Really.. it's OK.