...And she ASKED me to babysit!

Hello, internets! My loving sister has handed over her blog today…

For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Dana’s younger sister – the spoiled rotten, “city girl”, little sister – who has annoyed Dana for twenty-seven long years. Since I’m living her life in every other way this weekend while she’s away with the Man-of-Her-Dreams, I figured I should also write a post on her blog!

And what to write about?! There are so many things I could share:

• I could self-deprecatingly talk about my disdain for the country (and the many other ways I will NEVER live like my sister).
  
  
• I could detail my weekend as the “country girl”.
  
  
• I could explain why 4 nephews and 1 niece are the best birth control money can’t buy.
  
  
• I could praise my sister for her stellar recipes (yay for batch cooking – no eating out for us this weekend).
  
  
• I could mock my sister for her parenting, wifing (is that a word?), homesteading, lack of grammar skills, not liking the city, her love of rubber chickens and Barry Manilow… there are too many to name.
  
  
• I could discuss how I was the worst sister ever, especially to a sister who was trying SO hard to be cool while growing up.

Instead, I’m going to share some of the many reasons I’m nervous to have my own children… because Dana’s going to pay me back for the many awful things I have done to HER children as their aunt. Heh heh heh… Love ya, sis!

1. So this weekend I’ve been watching Workers #1 & #2 and the Little-Foreman-in-Pink while Dana spends the weekend in ManTown. This afternoon, we headed for the park to play on the swings, and somehow the suggestion that the boys ride home in the trunk of my car was introduced.
   
   **Important! While I have vowed the boys to secrecy about the events of this weekend, I’m sharing them with you. You DO promise not to tell my sister, right? RIGHT??!?!?
   
   While I nixed riding home in the trunk, I decided it was harmless to let them ride around the parking lot. I mean, WHAT harm could come to them?
   
   Oh, don’t worry – no harm came to either of them, though I’m sure they were disappointed about that. (The Little-Foreman-in-Pink was buckled in her seat IN the car the entire time, btw.)
   
   But after many donuts in either direction, peeling out, and slamming on the brakes, I very nearly had vomit in my trunk. And they quickly determined that I’m the best aunt in the world EVER! A verdict I don’t think Dana will share, I’m afraid.
   
   
2. Uh, could I just say there have been a lot of other car incidents? Letting the kids drive from my lap when they were 5, driving by themselves at 8, hanging Worker #1 out the window as I drove full speed down the street, all kids holding on for dear life while riding on my Jeep’s running board (in a parking lot)… um, I’m not claiming any others.
   
   Note: I WAS threatened with certain death each time one of these events occurred. I definitely have learned the errors of my ways... but it sure was fun. :o) And I was a teenager - making the same mistakes at the same time as they were. (And maybe they won't be so stupid on their own if they can be stupid with their aunt?? C'mon, I'm trying to find SOME redeeming quality in my actions!)
   
   
3. Babysitting when the first broken bone happened. ‘Nough said.
   
   (Check out a recent post on www.badmothersanonymous.com. I’m sure you can guess which one’s mine.)
   
   
4. About five years ago, I tried to teach Worker #1 how to pump gas. He’s still not allowed to pump gas, and he’s about to get his own car! (Picture a VERY peeved aunt covered in gasoline…)
   
   
5. As with any self-respecting aunt, I claim many a noisy and messy Christmas present. My favorite? The bathtub crayons that taught the Little-Foreman-in-Pink it was okay to write on the walls. Whoops.
   
   I’ve also gotten all four boys addicted to iPods... now all I have to do now is teach them that Mac products are SUPERIOR, of course.
   
   
6. And I admit that I was immature (just see #2 if you question that), especially since I’m only 11 years older that Workers # 1 & #2. I taught them both it was funny to open your mouth when you had an entire mouthful of half-masticated food and gross everyone out. AND that it was perfectly polite to burp at any time... as long as you said “Excuse me” afterwards.

In my defense, there are several things that I have NOT taken part in when it comes to the kids:

1. Their first alcoholic beverages (and I am NOT saying they HAVE experienced this one, btw).
   
   
2. Teaching them curse words – growing up in the boonies has taught them all they need to know!
   
   
3. Encouraging farting contests – those boys did that all on their own.

I’m sure there are many other reasons I am doomed as a parent to Dana’s nieces and nephews, and I’m sure that Dana will list them in detail later.

But I promise, all these things were done in an attempt to be a cool aunt. With a tiny bit of desire to torment my older sister added in. :o)

...And remember - she asked ME to watch her kids this weekend! So obviously I'm not all bad, no matter how I try to retain some "street cred" as a freakin' awesome aunt.

Love -

Bethany
Dana's spoiled-rotten, "city girl", little sister

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