Life Lesson #327 (Why 3?)

That first cup of Coffee in the morning,
The Smell of a camp-fire,
Making Home-made bread,
Fall Leaves,
A brand-new pen that writes like silk,
The Cold side of the pillow,
Chewable Ice cubes,
Hearing an old song that takes you back in time,
Old broken-in Blue Jeans,
The first scoop out of a new jar of Peanut-Butter,
Home-Grown tomatoes,
A soft fluffy towel that's big enough to completely wrap all the way around my big butt,
Milky Way candy bars,
Coffee,
The smell of fresh cut grass,
Eating wild chives straight out of the yard,
Real Apple Cider,
Good Hair Days,
Hearing my children giggle together in the next room,
Sunsets,
Sunrises,
Rainbows,
Thunder storms,
The smell of rain,
Fitting into once-too-tight Jeans,
Being the first to walk in freshly-fallen snow,
Holding Hands,
Having all bills paid,
A kitten purring,
Home-Grown eggs,
The top off my Jeep,
Winding country roads,
Sleeping in,
Family Dinners,
Humming birds,
S'mores,
Silence,
A good cry,
An unexpected phone call from an old friend,
Looking through old photos,
Tossing pebbles into the pond,

Don't Over-Look Life's Small Joys Because You're Too Busy Searching For The BIG Ones!


Everybody always asks me why my logo (and the name of my company) is a 3-Leaf clover and not a 4 leaf.

Well... The 3-Leaf Clover stands for "Happiness" and I find that most people are so busy chasing "Luck" or that 4-Leaf Clover, that they end up overlooking the happiness that is right in front of them!

...Something to think about.

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It will never be the same...

It's August already!
How has this happened?
A short 2 months ago, I was blissfully ushering a house-full of sleepy kids off to school, cooking enough food for an army, doing mountains and mountains of laundry, screaming to be heard over the laughter and chaos of a household that was full of 5 kids of our own, and the additional kids that always seemed to live under our roof as well.

 (5 years ago)

(5 months ago)

This week, I sit here in silence.
My house has changed.
My life has changed.
It will never... EVER be the same.

Worker #1 and #2 graduated from High School.

Worker #1, now 19 freaking years old!!!
Has moved to Houston and is working his summer job at UT and preparing for school to start in the Fall.

Worker #2, 18 years old!
Is neck-deep in sand, training at Ft Benning in Georgia for his service in the ARMY!

They are gone from the farm.
My family, my house, will never be the same again.

Yes, I know they will visit, I know I will see them, But....
It will just never be the same...
ever....

The ginormous meals that I loved to prepare, now seem foolish when cooking for what is now considered a "normal-sized" family.
The constant chaos and commotion that comes with a house filled to its limits with kids has changed to a quiet, often "peaceful" house.
Even something as simple as a gallon of milk has changed.  We used to go through 2 gallons a DAY!  Now, I only have to buy 2 gallons a WEEK!

I know that as a mother, this is what I have been working for.
My "job" is to raise happy, healthy, well-adjusted people who will go forth into the world and be successful.
I am doing my "job" well...
But....

No one warns you about how being successful at this Mom "job" makes you feel.
You spend your life worrying about your kids,
You protect them.
You know where they are every second of the day and night.
Your finger is on their pulse every second.
And then one day...
{{POOF}}
They are gone.
You do not know where they are every moment of the day and night.
It's no longer appropriate to require them to check in.
I am no longer glued to their side to provide protection.
I am not the first person they tell all their secrets to,
They actually HAVE secrets now!

Nobody tells you how to turn off the "Mom" in you.
Yes, I know I am still, and always will be "Mom" but it is a different title now...
The "Mom" you turn into is no longer the boss.
She is no longer the one there to protect her young.
She is no longer the one responsible for her kids.

These wonderful young men are no longer "mine"....  they are "Them".

I'm not sure how to do this.....
Nor am I sure I want to....

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Getting "Over It" aka "Thankful"

Tuesday night was a night like most other nights on our homestead.
I was cooking dinner.
The Man-of-My-Dreams was at Baseball practice w/ the Little-Foreman-in-Pink (7yrs old) and worker #4 (11yrs old).
I told him to call me when they were on their way home from the ballpark, it is just 3 miles from our home.

The phone rang at 7:22pm...
Him- "Come get us, we are upside down in the ditch"
Me- "Oh, ok...  well when you are done playing, dinner is ready, Love you."
Him= "Come Get us" (muffled screams talking in the background) "C'mon baby...  crawl out this window"...
Me- "You ARE kidding right??"
Him- "No, come get us"
then the line went dead...

My heart stopped.
I screamed for worker #1 to grab his keys and we raced to the accident scene.
This is what I saw as we pulled up...

At 35mph the truck hit a puddle and lost all control.
It spun.
Then slid into the deep ditch, it hit "just so" and started to flip end-over-end before coming to a rest on it's roof.

I couldn't breathe.
I couldn't think.
I couldn't talk.
All I could do was run.
I ran until I saw my husband standing on the side of the road.
I scooped up my sobbing 11yr old son and squeezed the poor guy so hard he couldn't breathe.
I frantically looked for my daughter...
Hubby had put her into another truck to keep her dry (it was raining) and safe from passing cars.
Once I had both of my babies in my arms and did a thorough inspection of hubby to make sure everyone was really ok, it began to sink in...

I just almost lost half of my family...

There is no reason that we should all be standing here virtually un-harmed...

All the windows on the passenger side of the truck are gone...

everything on that side of the truck is gone or crushed...

The drink that was sitting in the cup holder between my husband and son was embedded 6 inches into the dirt UNDER the cab of our now over-turned truck...

And yet, my family walked away...

There are no words to describe how thankful I am of that.

But, I have been shaken to my core.
I feel myself getting depressed.
The thoughts of what "Could have happened" are consuming too much of my time,
too much of my heart,
too much of my mind.

I feel so silly, I mean, I should be doing cartwheels and laughing uncontrollably with joy.
and yet...  I almost feel like I am mourning.

My mom said it's because I know that dark place that could have happened Tuesday night all too well.
I have I have seen it...  Lived it... with the death of my brothers.
I know that it "does happen".
This was just too close.

I have always had almost a "Waiting for the shoe to drop" feeling about my children.
I am one of 4 kids.
Only 2 of us made it to adulthood.
It was just my reality, kids die, it happens.
And if something happened to the Man-of-My-Dreams? ((shudder))

I have 5 beautiful, healthy children...
Based on my reality, the odds are against me... er them.

I know it sounds stupid.
I know I am blessed.
I know I am lucky.

But...  It's always there.
It is a fear that will never go away.
And Tuesday night was TOO CLOSE!

Now...
How do I "Get Over It"?
How you you move past something that didn't even happen?!

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Something I do NOT like. (and some help please)

I love to take pictures.
I really love to take pictures.
But...
I absolutely despise having MY picture taken!
I have tried and tried, but I have yet to find a picture of me that I really like.
That's why all my pictures of me that manage to squeak into my blog are goofy, those are ok, because they are supposed to look bad.

Today I found out that I need to submit a head shot for an ad campaign.
This fact alone was almost enough to make me back out of the whole deal...
but it's gonna be great fun! I couldn't let my hatred of all pictures of me stop me from getting this opportunity.

So, I sat down in front of my laptop and snapped several pictures.
It has become evident that I'm not the most objective person when it comes to self portraits, so I need your help!

Please help me choose the least horrifying Head Shot!
Pretty-Please?

#1.. this is my kinda shot!
And I'll use something like this if they want a head shot with my personality.

#2.. Not too bad... but maybe too serious?

#3... How I feel about taking self portraits.

#4.

#5.. I'm kinda leaning towards this one...
Maybe not... Maybe... UGH!

#6.. looking at #5 and wondering if...

#7... This is what I hate! My Double/Triple chin fat thingie.

#8... how I feel after taking 8 self pictures.

#9.. too light? too fat?

#10... Deer in the headlights? Finger in an electrical socket?

#11.. I knew I could count on you!

I'm looking forward to your honest opinions, lay it on me! I can take it!

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Help me please!

I'm looking for a change...
Help me choose.

I want to change my hair to Auburn/Red.
I want something that will POP!
But NO BURGUNDY!!

Me Now....

Dark Brown with awful burgundy undertones from a bad home hair color job.
Just in case my horrible pic doesn't show..
My eyes are hazel/green.
I have fair skin.
My hair is naturally curly and cut into a layered Bob.

Option A...

Darker Auburn/Red with chunkier light and dark highlights

Option B...
A more medium auburn..
No real noticeable highlights.

Option C...
A more red than auburn color,
Lighter than the others.

My appointment with a real live hair colorist and stylist is tomorrow morning at 10am.
HELP!!!
Because... Obviously, I know nothing! :)

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Searching....

My last 10 searches on Google...

1. how to prune banana trees.
2. how to repair a broken leg on a couch.
3. where to order bulk pectin.
4. how to walk in 4" heels.
5. best soil for pomegranate trees.
6. how to restore a rusty cast iron kettle.
7. Best homemade Oreo Recipe.
8. nipple piercing pain and aftercare.
9. cheap romantic weekend getaways.
10. heirloom melon variates.

yeah....
I'm kinda all over the place.
Hope no one notices.

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When Life Throws Crap At You....

Use it to fertilize!This week has been a rough on for me on the home-front.
Being forced to make some very difficult decisions on how to handle a bad situation, to which there was no clear-cut "perfect" answer, has left my heart hurting, my soul exhausted, and my mind questioning itself.

The fact the The-Man-of-My-Dreams is currently working 7,000 miles away didn't make it any easier. I was essentially on my own.
I was faced with a crisis that needed an immediate response, and I dealt with it the best that I knew how.

As the dust began to settle, I found myself (as I often do) rethinking each and every word I said, each law I laid down, the consequences I enforced, and the reasons for each of them.
In the end, I believe I made the right choices for my family. But.. that does not make tough love any easier.

This emotionally draining week could have very easily left me curled up in a fetal position in the corner of my bedroom sucking my thumb!
But alas, I'm a parent... an adult... and Life must go on.

I have a new motto...

"When Life Throws Crap at You....
Make Fertilizer!"

That's exactly what I'm doing today!
Today, I'm starting the garden.
I'm digging in the earth.
I'm pulling dead weeds and removing them from my garden.

You can't have a healthy garden when there are invasive, and sometimes dangerous, weeds in the plot.
Young, tender plants need protection and guidance to grow properly and develop a strong root system.

Growing a garden full of happy, healthy plants isn't easy - it takes a lot of work, it is sometimes unpleasant, and you most certainly will get dirty.
But the rewards are SO worth it!

Until they grow....
I'm waiting....

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The 5th Anniversary of my 33rd Birthday.

Today is the 5th Anniversary of my 33rd birthday.
33 is My number.... so I plan on staying 33.

Anyway...
One of the things the Man-of-My-Dreams and I do most years is attend the Texas Renaissance Festival.

A renaissance festival is a fabulous place to go if you enjoy to "people watch".
I love to people watch.
Especially when you get to see such... um... "colorful" characters.

You get to see kings and Queens.

Fairies making beautiful art with colorful sand in the dirt.

Happy people who you want to hug.

Studly Santa'ish Barbarians who make ladies weak in the knees and beg you to take their picture with them.

odd kinda spiky leathery guys who you do NOT want to hug.

Then there were these guys..
They put on a very funny show involving a mud pit.

This fella ate and then spit mud all over the place.
Ok... It doesn't sound that funny..
Trust me, it was!

Especially when THIS happened!

This other muddy fella ran into the crowd.
He vowed to find the biggest and toughest man in the crowd.
Guess who he chose??

Yep!
The Man-of-My-Dreams!

This was not exactly what I had in mind when I told him I wanted to go "people-watching" at the Renaissance Festival!

If there was ever a time I was thankful I had my camera handy,
This was it!

It was a great day.
I got to watch lots of people.
We got to eat lots of food.
And the Little-Foreman-in-Pink hitched a ride back to the truck.

We were all happy.

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If I don't find the snooze button for my internal alarm clock, I may have to shoot someone.

Yes, I know we all turned our clocks back over a week ago.
Yes, I know that people often have a hard time adjusting to the time change.
Yes, I know it messes with lots of peoples sleep patterns.

But... I also know that MOST people get over it!!

Me? Not so much.
The Little-Foreman-in-Pink? Not so much!
Guss the Pug? Not so much.
The Man-of-My-Dreams and workers #1 - #4?...
Sleeping like babies!! the JERKS!, darlings.

Each and every morning I find myself laying in bed with my eyes wide open at 4 am.
I try rolling over and squeezing my eyes shut, to no avail. I simply cannot go back to sleep.

If I ever did manage to drift back off,it would be short-lived because the darling Little-Foreman-in-Pink would be in my room at 5am looking for breakfast, or asking how to turn on the TV, Or telling me she is alone and wants to talk to me.

This means that I am ready to go to bed around 7pm each night.
This does NOT go over well with the My-Sleep-Pattern-Is-Not-Messed-Up members of the house.

I've tried staying up late to reset my clock.
That doesn't do anything except make me MORE tired!
I've tried going to bed at 7pm hoping the rest of the house can survive bedtime rituals without me.
That just makes the following morning MUCH more chaotic when we are looking for missing backpacks and lost socks before school.

The Man-of-My-Dreams tried his best to do the bedtime thing....
But Dads don't do it right! Sorry, fellas.... you simply are NOT Mom!

The lack of sleep has made me a tad bitchy cranky.
The lack of sleep has made me deal with stress with very little Grace.

And this week has been a Stressy Ball of stress-covered Stress!

Between the Man-of-My-Dreams being laid off from a job who promised him they would NOT be laying him off -- some pretty serious Stupid-Teenage-Boy stunts -- Army recruiters -- legal documents -- Police officers -- Recovering from Surgery -- school meetings -- class reunions-- bills that demand to be paid -- broken heater thermostats -- Jr High Bullies -- First heart-breaks -- NO DIET COKE -- a Pug who refuses to remain house-broken -- and car wrecks.
-Not to mention my inability to control when and where I decide to randomly inject a Capitol Letter into my Post!

- I consider anyone and everyone who has come within my reach Lucky to be alive!


So, my wonderful readers friends.... Bear with me while my posting has become a Jumbled mass of few and far between bunch of rambling nonsense words , tad sporadic.
(boy! does that sporadic word look spelled wrong or what?!? I looked it up and everything! ok nevermind... I really DO need more sleep ya know!)

Know that I will be back to normal.... Someday.... Maybe..... When the time changes again at least!

Love,
The Crazy Woman,
formerly known as - Dana (the Homesteading Housewife)

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Coming out of the closet.

So, the Man-of-My-Dreams is home again.
He has been working out of state for the past two years.

One thing that I have mentioned about this man is the fact that he is just a tad bit of a clean freak.
He is a tab bit anal retentive.
He is a tad bit CRAZY when things aren't in order.

I am none of these things.
You see, I tend to get overwhelmed when facing such a huge task.
So our closet became quite the catch-all for all the odds-n-ends that found their way into our house and didn't have a home.

We had to tackle it before he could relax and enjoy himself.

He was wonderful and helped get it done in a matter of a few hours.
We found lots of things I had forgotten all about.

Toys and gifts I had bought through the years to give at birthdays and Christmas that were forgotten about.

Clothes that were too tight.
Clothes that were too big.
Shoes.
47 boxes of crayons.
Yards and yards of fabric that were supposed to become a quilt.
Enough yarn to crochet 72 afghans.
Old purses.
Old pictures.
Old vinyl records.
Then we found a basket of pictures I hadn't seen in years.

Lets take a look at some of my favorites...

Oh Man! a Nude picture of me on the internet?
Now I'll never be able to run for president.
The press always manages to dig up this kinda stuff.

Awwwwh
This my baby brother Ryan and I when I was 8yrs old.
Ryan died from a heart defect shortly after this picture was taken.
I was such a proud big sister.

Oh and check out the bumpy plaid couch....
Nice call Mom!
I remember the day I got that watch... Loved it!

This is My Big Brother Dan,
Dan died when he was hit by a car at the age of 17, I was 14.

He's holding my spoiled rotten little sister.
She looks sweet in this picture...
Don't let it fool ya!
She is evil, I tell ya... Evil!
Dan?
He's a real angel!


This is the 16 yr old me that would be so very disappointed in the 37 yr old me for living on a dirty farm surrounded by muddy boys,
NOT eating lobster in Hawaii, and living the glamorous life.

Could I have gotten my bangs any higher?
I'm just sayin...

Homecoming dance...
How did I even manage to walk straight with that mum?
I LOVED it though, sparkling lights and sharp pins included.
We won't talk about my date.

I was a 20 yr old over-stressed un-wed mother...
This kid was my first born.
He broke my tailbone after 32 hours of un-medicated labor and left me with 37 stitches in a very sensitive place!
He deserved this!

Whats up with the mushroom POOF hair?


Oh My...
This was taken at the baby shower for worker #2
when he was 389 days overdue!

Finally, My best friends wedding.
She bestowed the nickname "Paco" on worker #1 the day she first saw him...
He loves her anyway.

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Time to Get Off!!

As you can tell, I haven't been posting as regularly as I used to.
I have had some things going on that I wasnt really ready to put "out there" yet.
I have been struggling with something for years and finally made a decision that will affect the rest of my life.

Now that this decision has been made, and I am on my way to making permanent changes, I am so relieved and happy.

And it's time I let everyone know.
It is NO longer gonna be my dirty little secret.

You can read about it here.

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Irrational Fears.... Part 2.

When I sit down to write a blog post, I write like I'm talking to my friends.
Because, thats what you are. Even though we've never really met.
I have told you things that I haven't told some of my closest "real-life" friends.

You are my Buddies,
My Homies,
My Peeps,
My Compadres,
My Pals,
My Amigos,
My Chums,
My Comrades,
Well... You get the point.

I've told you about some of my irrational fears in the past.
Like THIS POST about my very REAL fear of being killed by a deer and the moths that are really out to get me.

And THIS POST about ceiling fan that is just waiting for the perfect moment to cut off my feet.


Well, now I have another one...
Last week, I wrote THIS POST telling you about the mouse who has moved into my bathroom.

I found a dead mouse under my dresser, so I thought I had killed the little bugger.
Until the Man-of-My-Dreams saw another one run across the bathroom floor tonight!
grrrr!

Yes, having a mouse in your house is icky.
It's a little embarassing.
They are dirty.
They are smart.
But...
I have another BIGGER fear about the little nasty furry rodent in my bathroom.

I don't worry about it running at me.
I don't worry it'll bite me and give me mouse flu.

I cannot go into the bathroom without turning one the light and making a lot of noise before I cross the threshold because I'm worried I'll step on him.
Not just because it's an icky thought...

But, if I step on him, I just KNOW I'll break every little bone in his tiny body and one of the sharp, jagged, now broken ribs will puncture the bottom of my foot.
I'll be impaled by a schmooshed mouse!

OUCH! That'll hurt!
And....
How would I get him out of my foot??
Pliers?
(he'll be broken you know.... wouldn't peel off and out of my foot in one piece.
((shudder))
the thought is just too horrific to even write about!!

please tell me I'm not the only one with these stupid irrational fears...
What are some of yours?

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Happiness Is...

Happiness is...
The first home-grown tomato of the season!

ignore the green marker on the palm of my hand...
the 5 yr old Little-Foreman in Pink is neater than me when coloring!

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Another Dirty secret...

They say confession is good for the soul.

I feel that y'all know me well enough now that I can share something with you.

Something that I have told very very few people.

I can only hope that you'll understand.

Many Many years ago I fell in love.

Before my first marriage to "B", before my children, before I was even a bonafide adult.

I fell hard for "Chub" (don't ya just love the silly nick-names that true loves make you come up with?).

Chub came into my life at a time I was innocent. I was wanting to explore the world, I lived with reckless abandon, I didn't care about tomorrow, Heck.. most of the time I didn't even care about today!

He was so sweet.

When I was down, Chub made me feel better.

When I cried, Chub was there to comfort me.

When I celebrated, I celebrated with Chub.

The more time I spent with Chub the more I felt my love grow.

I didn't tell anyone about Chub. I wanted to be the only one to know.. My little secret love.

I started spending more and more time with Chub.
Soon we were together every night. Sometimes we would even get together during the day!

Chub was everything a girl could ask for.

So I thought...

As time went on I began to realize that our relationship was not as perfect as it appeared.

Chub could be very cold.

I would turn to Chub when I had a problem and, altho he made me feel better, it was always a temporary quick fix.

Chub never really solved any of my problems.

Chub never even offered ideas for solutions.

I didn't like the person I was becoming when I was around Chub, I became very jealous. I didn't want anyone else to know about Chub. I would not share.

When I would go to the places he should have been hanging out or just chillin and I could not find him, I would fly into a rage.

My relationship with chub was quickly becoming unhealthy.

So
I ended it.

I said good-bye to Chub.

I was sad, but life moved on...

I married "B", I became a mother.

There was still a part of me that longed for my first true love, but I dealt with it.

Then one day out of the blue I saw him. My excitement took me by surprise!

I wanted nothing more than to hold on to him and never let go.

So... I went to him and we had a little fling.

He was as sweet and wonderful as I remembered.

When I was with him I felt complete. I felt happy, I had my Chub back!!

But then I realized that Chub was getting way too clingy. He wanted nothing more than to grab onto my body and never let go. It was not good.
I was tired of sneaking around, I was tired of being with Chub only in the dark of night because of the fear that someone would find out that we were together again.

I ended it once more.

After a few years I never even bumped into him anymore. I would go to the places where Chub always hung out and waited for me and he was no longer there.

It's been over 7 years since I even saw Chub.

I am in love with The-Man-of-My-Dreams.

I am happy.

I am complete.

Chub never even crosses my mind.

Then this morning it happened.

I went to the grocery store. And guess who I bumped into?

Yep, Chub!

Chub looks the same as I remember.

I am ashamed to admit it, but I brought Chub back home to our house.

The-Man-of-My-Dreams is working out of town.

I am lonely.

I am sad from missing him.

Is it so wrong to find comfort with an old love?

What harm can one simple night together really cause?

No one needs to know.

No one needs to tell The-Man-of-My-Dreams.

When we got home I could not resist.

Oh you just have no idea how wonderful it was...

When my lips touched Chub it was as sweet as I remember.

I felt the love that I had turned my back on so long ago.

I am excited. And a little bit ashamed.

I should NOT be doing this.

Please help me have strength.

Help me resist this burning desire I have to jump in and enjoy this guilty pleasure.

Just once more. Just one more time.... it cant be THAT bad .... can it?

I snapped a picture of Chub so I can have something to remember.

Because I know I cannot start meeting Chub again.

This has to be a one time only deal.

Just once.

Look at how wonderful Chub is below....

And tell me honestly.... could YOU resist him?

(Who can resist fudge covered, peanut butter filled pretzels, in silky smooth ice cream, blended with thick chocolate fudge & peanut butter swirls? Not Me!!)

this is a re-post from last year...
cause I did it again!
Oh The SHAME!

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