Oct 6, 2008

Stupid Thoughts...

That pop into my head when I can't sleep.

1.) If the spinning ceiling fan above my bed suddenly falls, will the blades be spinning fast enough to actually cut off my feet?

2.) Why do I say "excuse Me" when I fart and there is no one else is around?

3.) If the ceiling fan does, in fact, cut off my feet... how would I stop the blood long enough for help to arrive?

4.) Why do I love cheese so much? Why can't I love wheat germ instead?

5.) Would I have time to grab my nice looking robe before the handsome paramedic dude bursts into my bedroom to care for my now severed-by-the-ceiling-fan bloody stumps?

6.) My fingernails are ugly.... is a nice garden really better than pretty hands?

7.) If they were able to re-attach my feet, would I always have a noticeable limp and be forever known as that ceiling-fan-cut-off-her-feet woman?

8.) Did I just feel a spider crawl on my leg?

9.) Who would take care of me while I was recovering from having my feet re-attached? I do NOT want the Man-of-My-Dreams to help me in the bathroom!!

10.) Why am I laying here awake thinking these stupid thoughts...

11.) It's not THAT uncomfortable to try to sleep with my feet hanging off the side of the bed, away from the ceiling fan.... I CAN do this!
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16 amazing comments. Talk To Me!!:

Bethany said...

I have similar paranoid thoughts when I'm trying to get to sleep! I just KNOW the fan's going to do some serious damage to my body. Though the new fan MOYD installed for me helps - it's not wobbly like the last one.

- your spoiled-rotten, "city girl", little sister

PS - I have other paranoid thoughts when I'm driving: what if I were to drive off into that ditch? How long would it take for someone to find me? How badly would I be hurt? Would I still have a job after I got out of the hospital? Would I lose weight on hospital food?

Teresa said...

LOL!! Nighty night Dana!

Pam's Pride said...

LOL!! I do not think that could actually happen. I have put my hand up in the ceiling fan to stop it before and I have not got hurt...and my fingers are much small than my ankles! So, I am sure you will be fine! A concussion is probably more likely.

Bethany said...

Pam's pride, I think you gave her another stupid thought to entertain. But thanks for getting rid of the amputated foot idea! :o)

- Bethany (aka the little sister)

Lauriebelle said...

My friend...I am very concerned by this post...I fear you may be experiencing morphine withdrawal symptoms!

Poor fingernail health is something clinicians see in those with a long history of opiate abuse. This and your sleepless paranoia would indicate that you are indeed a heavy user.

Furthermore, it is entirely possible that the ceiling fan is not even on but that you are halucinating! The creepy crawly feelings you are experiencing are not spiders...but are indeed a classic symptom of drug withdrawal!

Research tells us that cheese is addictive because it contains small amounts of opiates which become addictive over long term use! The bottom line is this: you must get out of bed and eat some cheese at once to slow this frightful progression!


stickymama said...

Oh, terrific, now I'LL be freaked out by the ceiling fan!

Tiffany said...

Your funny. Now I will have to pay more attention to what I am thinking about before I go to sleep. Have a great day ;)

Elle said...

I'm glad I don't have a ceiling fan in my bedroom. So at least I don't have to worry about having my feet amputated. Phew!

Toni said...

This was really funny! I think I have the spider thought at least 3 times a night and now tonight I am certain I will be thinking about the fan and my feet!!!

Wendy said...

I don't worry about my feet. I wonder if it will cut off my head! eeesh.....

Anonymous said...

Funny....well, maybe not...now I know there are two of us out there who fall asleep to the whirring of a ceiling fan that accompanies the incessant streams of random ideas passing through our brains.


janie said...

i either sleep on my tummy with my feet hanging off the end of the bed, or on my side curled up. do ya think i'd get a wicked fan blade burn that would remove leg hair so i wouldn't have to shave my legs anymore?
though if it would, i'd have to switch sides with hubby. the fan is over his half of the bed not mine.

Kristen Andrews said...

that is funny glad to know I am in good company when I ponder similar things! My nails are a wreck from making jewelry. Last week when I couldn't sleep I watched a big white spider walk back on forth on our bed railing.

dykewife said...

first, to answer the ceiling fan question.

no, it won't cut off your feet (as entertaining as that aspect might be). mythbusters (one of my favourite shows) proved that an ordinary ceiling fan won't cut anything. however, a fan falling might leave some nasty bruises and possibly a broken foot.

of course this is all moot if you don't have a regular ceiling fan and instead have a fan with a gas powered lawn mower motor and sharpened stiff metal blades. then it'll be open season on your feet.

and now, thanks to your entry, i'm going to worry about my ceiling fan falling on me while i'm sleeping and doing me an injury.

Cathy said...

Lol, this is too funny!

Have a great weekend ahead!

Shannon@Vogue Mum said...

HAHA! I have think dumb thoughts like that when I am going to sleep or when I wake up and don't want to get out of my bed. I wish there was an off switch!

Vogue Mum
Rock Star Maternity
Domestic Engineer's Union

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