May 16, 2009

Another Dirty secret...

They say confession is good for the soul.
I feel that y'all know me well enough now that I can share something with you.
Something that I have told very very few people.
I can only hope that you'll understand.
Many Many years ago I fell in love.
Before my first marriage to "B", before my children, before I was even a bonafide adult.
I fell hard for "Chub" (don't ya just love the silly nick-names that true loves make you come up with?).

Chub came into my life at a time I was innocent. I was wanting to explore the world, I lived with reckless abandon, I didn't care about tomorrow, Heck.. most of the time I didn't even care about today!


He was so sweet.
When I was down, Chub made me feel better.
When I cried, Chub was there to comfort me.
When I celebrated, I celebrated with Chub.
The more time I spent with Chub the more I felt my love grow.
I didn't tell anyone about Chub. I wanted to be the only one to know.. My little secret love.

I started spending more and more time with Chub.
Soon we were together every night. Sometimes we would even get together during the day!

Chub was everything a girl could ask for.

So I thought...

As time went on I began to realize that our relationship was not as perfect as it appeared.
Chub could be very cold.
I would turn to Chub when I had a problem and, altho he made me feel better, it was always a temporary quick fix.
Chub never really solved any of my problems.
Chub never even offered ideas for solutions.

I didn't like the person I was becoming when I was around Chub, I became very jealous. I didn't want anyone else to know about Chub. I would not share.

When I would go to the places he should have been hanging out or just chillin and I could not find him, I would fly into a rage.

My relationship with chub was quickly becoming unhealthy.
So
I ended it.
I said good-bye to Chub.
I was sad, but life moved on...

I married "B", I became a mother.
There was still a part of me that longed for my first true love, but I dealt with it.

Then one day out of the blue I saw him. My excitement took me by surprise!
I wanted nothing more than to hold on to him and never let go.

So... I went to him and we had a little fling.
He was as sweet and wonderful as I remembered.
When I was with him I felt complete. I felt happy, I had my Chub back!!

But then I realized that Chub was getting way too clingy. He wanted nothing more than to grab onto my body and never let go. It was not good.
I was tired of sneaking around, I was tired of being with Chub only in the dark of night because of the fear that someone would find out that we were together again.
I ended it once more.

After a few years I never even bumped into him anymore. I would go to the places where Chub always hung out and waited for me and he was no longer there.

It's been over 7 years since I even saw Chub.

I am in love with The-Man-of-My-Dreams.
I am happy.
I am complete.
Chub never even crosses my mind.

Then this morning it happened.
I went to the grocery store. And guess who I bumped into?
Yep, Chub!

Chub looks the same as I remember.
I am ashamed to admit it, but I brought Chub back home to our house.

The-Man-of-My-Dreams is working out of town.
I am lonely.
I am sad from missing him.
Is it so wrong to find comfort with an old love?
What harm can one simple night together really cause?
No one needs to know.
No one needs to tell The-Man-of-My-Dreams.

When we got home I could not resist.
Oh you just have no idea how wonderful it was...
When my lips touched Chub it was as sweet as I remember.
I felt the love that I had turned my back on so long ago.

I am excited. And a little bit ashamed.
I should NOT be doing this.
Please help me have strength.
Help me resist this burning desire I have to jump in and enjoy this guilty pleasure.
Just once more. Just one more time.... it cant be THAT bad .... can it?

I snapped a picture of Chub so I can have something to remember.
Because I know I cannot start meeting Chub again.
This has to be a one time only deal.
Just once.


Look at how wonderful Chub is below....
And tell me honestly.... could YOU resist him?





(Who can resist fudge covered, peanut butter filled pretzels, in silky smooth ice cream, blended with thick chocolate fudge & peanut butter swirls? Not Me!!)


this is a re-post from last year...
cause I did it again!
Oh The SHAME!

Photobucket


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3 amazing comments. Talk To Me!!:

Anonymous said...

If you only have a rendezvous with Chub once a year, that should be an acceptable level...

Katidids said...

You are totally NUTS, and I love it! Posibly why I keep coming back!

Annette said...

FDL! I actually felt guilty about reading this, until the end. LOL *whew*

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