Aug 2, 2011

It will never be the same...

It's August already!
How has this happened?
A short 2 months ago, I was blissfully ushering a house-full of sleepy kids off to school, cooking enough food for an army, doing mountains and mountains of laundry, screaming to be heard over the laughter and chaos of a household that was full of 5 kids of our own, and the additional kids that always seemed to live under our roof as well.
 (5 years ago)

(5 months ago)

This week, I sit here in silence.
My house has changed.
My life has changed.
It will never... EVER be the same.

Worker #1 and #2 graduated from High School.

Worker #1, now 19 freaking years old!!!
Has moved to Houston and is working his summer job at UT and preparing for school to start in the Fall.

Worker #2, 18 years old!
Is neck-deep in sand, training at Ft Benning in Georgia for his service in the ARMY!

They are gone from the farm.
My family, my house, will never be the same again.

Yes, I know they will visit, I know I will see them, But....
It will just never be the same...
ever....

The ginormous meals that I loved to prepare, now seem foolish when cooking for what is now considered a "normal-sized" family.
The constant chaos and commotion that comes with a house filled to its limits with kids has changed to a quiet, often "peaceful" house.
Even something as simple as a gallon of milk has changed.  We used to go through 2 gallons a DAY!  Now, I only have to buy 2 gallons a WEEK!

I know that as a mother, this is what I have been working for.
My "job" is to raise happy, healthy, well-adjusted people who will go forth into the world and be successful.
I am doing my "job" well...
But....

No one warns you about how being successful at this Mom "job" makes you feel.
You spend your life worrying about your kids,
You protect them.
You know where they are every second of the day and night.
Your finger is on their pulse every second.
And then one day...
{{POOF}}
They are gone.
You do not know where they are every moment of the day and night.
It's no longer appropriate to require them to check in.
I am no longer glued to their side to provide protection.
I am not the first person they tell all their secrets to,
They actually HAVE secrets now!

Nobody tells you how to turn off the "Mom" in you.
Yes, I know I am still, and always will be "Mom" but it is a different title now...
The "Mom" you turn into is no longer the boss.
She is no longer the one there to protect her young.
She is no longer the one responsible for her kids.

These wonderful young men are no longer "mine"....  they are "Them".

I'm not sure how to do this.....
Nor am I sure I want to....
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7 amazing comments. Talk To Me!!:

Amy said...

My prayers to you. My little one is only six, so I have a long way to go. I know that it will go fast.

You did a wonderful job. They will remember what a wonderful Mother that you are.

God bless and have a wonderful day.

Carolyn said...

Dana you hit the nail on the head girl!!! My daughter is 19 (20 in March as she keeps pointing out) and is living away from home for the first time this summer. When she is home I feel peaceful...everything is the ways it is supposed to be. Then I have to say good-night as she drives away instead of walks to her bedroom. Painful...my heart breaks every single time. Knowing this is what we raised them to do doesn't make it any easier. I just keep praying I taught her enough and He will keep her safe. Hugs to you!!!

Anonymous said...

My child is now 16 and college will be coming up in a couple of years. I'm trying to mentally prepare, as is she, since we are only 2 at home.

Her long hair is on everything and annoying to no end, but I have to tell myself now that in a short while I'll be missing that annoying hair because the beautiful child it was attached to is off on a new adventure and no longer leaving souvenirs at home.

Thank you for a beautiful post! So glad I found you on Twitter! I'm @MillerFinch

walkertxkitty said...

I feel for you. I was a foster mom and sending the kids off to their healed families always hurt. Some of them still visit or write or text, but the house...empty. Think of it as a new phase in life. You might someday be cooking those big meals for grandchildren and great grandchildren. And from what I can see, you did a beautiful job of ushering two responsible, productive human beings into the world. That's the best reward anyone rearing kids could ever hope for.

Homemade Easy said...

Got tears....I only have 2 children. When my oldest went to college, I cried. Two years later and 2 days after her Associate Degree, she married. HUGE void.........LOVE your blog....glad I found you today.Virginia

april said...

Holy crap!! I don't get over here that often, but I was searching for your Mexican lasagna recipe to give to a friend (I know it by heart to make but not to dictate) and thought I'd check up on how you are doing. I remember when you posted that first picture! Since then I've been married and have a 4 year old and a 1 year old ... I can't possibly think that far in the future and I know it's not as far off as I might think!

meleah rebeccah said...

My son is 15 and needs me less and less every day. But at least I have a few more years to hang on to him.

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