How has this happened?
A short 2 months ago, I was blissfully ushering a house-full of sleepy kids off to school, cooking enough food for an army, doing mountains and mountains of laundry, screaming to be heard over the laughter and chaos of a household that was full of 5 kids of our own, and the additional kids that always seemed to live under our roof as well.
(5 years ago)
(5 months ago)
This week, I sit here in silence.
My house has changed.
My life has changed.
It will never... EVER be the same.
Worker #1 and #2 graduated from High School.
Worker #1, now 19 freaking years old!!!
Has moved to Houston and is working his summer job at UT and preparing for school to start in the Fall.
Worker #2, 18 years old!
Is neck-deep in sand, training at Ft Benning in Georgia for his service in the ARMY!
They are gone from the farm.
My family, my house, will never be the same again.
Yes, I know they will visit, I know I will see them, But....
It will just never be the same...
The ginormous meals that I loved to prepare, now seem foolish when cooking for what is now considered a "normal-sized" family.
The constant chaos and commotion that comes with a house filled to its limits with kids has changed to a quiet, often "peaceful" house.
Even something as simple as a gallon of milk has changed. We used to go through 2 gallons a DAY! Now, I only have to buy 2 gallons a WEEK!
I know that as a mother, this is what I have been working for.
My "job" is to raise happy, healthy, well-adjusted people who will go forth into the world and be successful.
I am doing my "job" well...
No one warns you about how being successful at this Mom "job" makes you feel.
You spend your life worrying about your kids,
You protect them.
You know where they are every second of the day and night.
Your finger is on their pulse every second.
And then one day...
They are gone.
You do not know where they are every moment of the day and night.
It's no longer appropriate to require them to check in.
I am no longer glued to their side to provide protection.
I am not the first person they tell all their secrets to,
They actually HAVE secrets now!
Nobody tells you how to turn off the "Mom" in you.
Yes, I know I am still, and always will be "Mom" but it is a different title now...
The "Mom" you turn into is no longer the boss.
She is no longer the one there to protect her young.
She is no longer the one responsible for her kids.
These wonderful young men are no longer "mine".... they are "Them".
I'm not sure how to do this.....
Nor am I sure I want to....