Jul 10, 2008

I want a DNA Test!!!

It's a little known fact (unless you are my mother) that, as a child, I was gifted.

No... I'm not talking about my IQ.
I did not excel at school.
I was not a prodigy on some musical instrument.
I was, however, very imaginative. I could think quick on my feet.
I could tell lies stories like nobodies business!
I liked to keep life interesting, there was going to be NOTHING mundane about it!

Like the time , when I was 4, that I convinced all of the deacons in our church that my mommy and daddy were going to adopt a new baby... It was going to sleep in my room, and I was going to take care of it because my mommy would be too tired. My parents caught wind of this lie story right before the surprise baby shower that was in the works for them.

Or the amazing escapades of "Bandit" my 3rd grade class gerbil. He would always manage to escape from his cage and get into all sorts of interesting predicaments.
After one of these adventures, when I found him swinging from the light fixture in the teachers lounge, my teacher put the cutest little collar on him with a very loud bell so we could always hear where he was and be able to find him before he wreaked havoc on anyone else.
Imagine my mothers surprise when she met with my teacher on parent teacher night and found out we didn't even HAVE a class gerbil!

I won't even mention our family trip to Hawaii.

You see... I never really told "bad" lies stories.
I didn't use my gift for evil.
I used it for entertainment, I used it to keep things interesting.
If not for me things sure would have been dull.

Now, knowing this fact about me as a child.
I am prepared to have "my" children DNA tested.
Because not a single one of them have this trait.
Not that I want them to lie... but can I see a little creativity please?
It has me worried... maybe they are NOT my children!

Me = Who cut down my baby peach tree?!?!?!?
Them = Maybe a bugler did it! call the cops!!

Why did you eat the last piece of chocolate pie?? That was for Daddy!!
I didn't. (with chocolate pie all over his face!)

Who left a dead frog in their jeans pocket & put their pants in the washing machine??? It'll give you warts you know!!
Not me
(as he examines his hands for warts.)

Who threw the cat into the pond????
Not me. (while wearing 37 band-aids on his newly scratched forearms)

Who put the empty milk carton back into the fridge???
Not me. (through a mouthful of freshly poured cereal with MILK!!)

Only one of these examples shows any hope of being my child.
Usually all I get is a chorus of "Not Me's"


I'm really gonna miss them.

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6 amazing comments. Talk To Me!!:

Anonymous said...

LOL your poor mother!!

I hope you send he flowers today!!


Anonymous said...

too funny!

Anonymous said...

"I didn't use my gift for evil."

LOL - Eric

dykewife said...

are you sure they lack creativity as opposed to thinking their mom is a low watt bulb?


Jenn said...

Oh I bet your parents had a ton of fun with you! haha I'm still cracking up over the baby story!

The Pastoral Princess said...

OMG!! ROFLMAO!!! This is hilarious!

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