Jan 11, 2009

...And she ASKED me to babysit!

Hello, internets! My loving sister has handed over her blog today…

For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Dana’s younger sister – the spoiled rotten, “city girl”, little sister – who has annoyed Dana for twenty-seven long years. Since I’m living her life in every other way this weekend while she’s away with the Man-of-Her-Dreams, I figured I should also write a post on her blog!

And what to write about?! There are so many things I could share:
  • I could self-deprecatingly talk about my disdain for the country (and the many other ways I will NEVER live like my sister).

  • I could detail my weekend as the “country girl”.

  • I could explain why 4 nephews and 1 niece are the best birth control money can’t buy.

  • I could praise my sister for her stellar recipes (yay for batch cooking – no eating out for us this weekend).

  • I could mock my sister for her parenting, wifing (is that a word?), homesteading, lack of grammar skills, not liking the city, her love of rubber chickens and Barry Manilow… there are too many to name.

  • I could discuss how I was the worst sister ever, especially to a sister who was trying SO hard to be cool while growing up.
Instead, I’m going to share some of the many reasons I’m nervous to have my own children… because Dana’s going to pay me back for the many awful things I have done to HER children as their aunt. Heh heh heh… Love ya, sis!
  1. So this weekend I’ve been watching Workers #1 & #2 and the Little-Foreman-in-Pink while Dana spends the weekend in ManTown. This afternoon, we headed for the park to play on the swings, and somehow the suggestion that the boys ride home in the trunk of my car was introduced.

    **Important! While I have vowed the boys to secrecy about the events of this weekend, I’m sharing them with you. You DO promise not to tell my sister, right? RIGHT??!?!?

    While I nixed riding home in the trunk, I decided it was harmless to let them ride around the parking lot. I mean, WHAT harm could come to them?

    Oh, don’t worry – no harm came to either of them, though I’m sure they were disappointed about that.
    (The Little-Foreman-in-Pink was buckled in her seat IN the car the entire time, btw.)

    But after many donuts in either direction, peeling out, and slamming on the brakes, I very nearly had vomit in my trunk. And they quickly determined that I’m the best aunt in the world EVER! A verdict I don’t think Dana will share, I’m afraid.

  2. Uh, could I just say there have been a lot of other car incidents? Letting the kids drive from my lap when they were 5, driving by themselves at 8, hanging Worker #1 out the window as I drove full speed down the street, all kids holding on for dear life while riding on my Jeep’s running board (in a parking lot)… um, I’m not claiming any others.

    Note: I WAS threatened with certain death each time one of these events occurred. I definitely have learned the errors of my ways... but it sure was fun. :o) And I was a teenager - making the same mistakes at the same time as they were. (And maybe they won't be so stupid on their own if they can be stupid with their aunt?? C'mon, I'm trying to find SOME redeeming quality in my actions!)

  3. Babysitting when the first broken bone happened. ‘Nough said.

    (Check out a recent post on www.badmothersanonymous.com. I’m sure you can guess which one’s mine.)

  4. About five years ago, I tried to teach Worker #1 how to pump gas. He’s still not allowed to pump gas, and he’s about to get his own car! (Picture a VERY peeved aunt covered in gasoline…)

  5. As with any self-respecting aunt, I claim many a noisy and messy Christmas present. My favorite? The bathtub crayons that taught the Little-Foreman-in-Pink it was okay to write on the walls. Whoops.

    I’ve also gotten all four boys addicted to iPods... now all I have to do now is teach them that Mac products are SUPERIOR, of course.

  6. And I admit that I was immature (just see #2 if you question that), especially since I’m only 11 years older that Workers # 1 & #2. I taught them both it was funny to open your mouth when you had an entire mouthful of half-masticated food and gross everyone out. AND that it was perfectly polite to burp at any time... as long as you said “Excuse me” afterwards.
In my defense, there are several things that I have NOT taken part in when it comes to the kids:
  1. Their first alcoholic beverages (and I am NOT saying they HAVE experienced this one, btw).

  2. Teaching them curse words – growing up in the boonies has taught them all they need to know!

  3. Encouraging farting contests – those boys did that all on their own.
I’m sure there are many other reasons I am doomed as a parent to Dana’s nieces and nephews, and I’m sure that Dana will list them in detail later.

But I promise, all these things were done in an attempt to be a cool aunt. With a tiny bit of desire to torment my older sister added in. :o)

...And remember - she asked ME to watch her kids this weekend! So obviously I'm not all bad, no matter how I try to retain some "street cred" as a freakin' awesome aunt.

Love -

Bethany
Dana's spoiled-rotten, "city girl", little sister
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5 amazing comments. Talk To Me!!:

jrmom said...

Bethany you crack me up. I am a country girl..like your sis. I grew up with an uncle who was only 4 years older than me, and it too was his life's ambition to have lots of laughs at my expense. One quick example...he told me I could fly..so I jumped off the roof of the house...3 times..he said I wasn't flapping hard enough, and my 6 year old little brain believed him!! We all survived and now have some awesome, hilarious stories to tell. TFS

Stacy's Random Thoughts said...

ROTFLMAO! You sound just like my favorite aunt...she's only 12 years older than me, and when she used to babysit us kids, we'd get to stay up really late - she taught us how to keep our eyes closed and regulate our breathing so when my mom and dad got home and checked on us, they'd think we were sound asleep...even though we rushed to bed at the sound of their car getting home! :) She also got us hooked on CocaCola and cheese-and-crackers... Love my favorite aunt! She still 'spoils' me (and now my Little Princess) all the time! :)

Thanks for the laugh! :)

Dana (the Homesteading Housewife) said...

Well....
I expected to find complaining about a drafty old farm house, cow poop, barking dogs, roosters who crow at 3am, dirt & mud, and bugs....

Instead... I find out that YOU are the cool one? when did THIS happen??

And I'm glad I waited until I got home to read it! Or I would have gotten NO sleep worrying about you killing my young folk!
And THAT would be totally unfair! If anyone is gonna kill em, it's gonna be me!

Thank you for watching things while I was gone...
Oh and you can expect a MUCH longer list of "You CANNOT Do's" the next time. ;)

Jenny said...

Loved the guest post! Reminds me of my sister. She tells me that a day spent shopping with me and mine is enough to cure her of maternal longings. Said in a loving auntie way of course--take no note of the way she leaps from the car and bolts up her stairs without a backwards glance!
And don't feel too bad about the broken bone. My sister and I both made it out of the house without broken bones, but my daughter managed to break her arm at my parents' house. Talk about Grandma and Papaw feeling bad!
~Jenny~

Joanna said...

Awesome guest post! At first I was confused, but when I go back and read when it's quieter, I can actually follow along better LOL who would've thought! Thanks for sharing, and I hope the next list of cannots is not too impeding!

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