May 2, 2008

Humiliation Chronicles (Hello Dr. Small...)

When I first moved to Houston, I worked as a mental health specialist at an in-patient psychiatric hospital. I loved it! My mother was the Director of Nursing (my Boss) there. The nursing staff all got along great! It was a fun group of people to work with. I also loved to work with the patients. It was a wonderful job for me.

In the beginning, I worked mostly second and third shift. I have never gotten the opportunity to meet the Chief of Staff Big Honcho Doctor Boss man, Dr. Doom, His real name was Dr Schmallschtic (thats probably spelled wrong but it's close) , But His reputation was well known. He was one of those doctors who had a huge God Complex (in other words.. thought he was better than God) he was not nice, very condescending and of course the nursing staff were the lowest life-form in his book, or at least thats how they all told me he acted. He was feared by all. (except my mother, but thats another story)

The rest of the staff tried to prepare me for my first unavoidable meeting with Dr. Doom .
"Don't speak to him unless he speaks to you!" check
"If he asks you for something just say Yes Doctor and run fast to get it done. Do NOT question him!" check
"Stay out of his way!!" check

The day finally arrived, I knew I would meet Dr Doom. Not only had I memorized the warnings and instructions of my co-workers, I had decided I was going to make a good impression on him. There was no way he wasn't gonna like Me! Everyone likes me! I'm a likable person for cryin out loud! I will be liked!! He wasn't gonna be the exception to that rule!! ( I loved that rule)

I was gonna ooze self esteem and confidence. I was gonna give him a firm handshake and look him square in the eye with a smile. I was gonna show him how great I was. He was gonna be amazed with my professionalism & my competence.

I was sitting at the desk in the nurses station.
Shift change was happening, this means that every other available staff member was in a room right behind me doing their reports for the day and getting the next shift up to speed.
I was the only one not in the staffing room.
I heard the elevator open.

He glided into the room. He was tall. He was put together very impressively, from the top of his perfectly neat-as-a-pin highlighted blond hair, past his ultra expensive high fashion cashmere trench coat, to his perfectly manicured nails. His presence filled the room. He smelled of arrogance as he scanned the nurses station.
Now is my chance! I thought.

I stood up. Walked confidently over to him. With my best smile I stretched out my hand in greeting and said. "Hello, It is so nice to finally meet you, I'm Dana, You must be Dr Small-dick"
Yes.... those are the words that actually came out of my mouth.... I was thinking Dr Schmallschtic, I really was.. but thats not what came out! uh oh.

There was a brief awkward pause between us. I wondered.. maybe I should just act like I said it right, and he will to and it will all go away. (I wanted to crawl into the little padded seclusion room and never come out) I waited, wondering what his reaction would be.
He said nothing.... whew. He let go of my hand and turned to walk away. I was in the clear! maybe he wasn't listening to me that close... maybe he didn't realize what I had just done!

Until the staff room full of 11 other employees Erupted into thunderous, chairs falling over, choking-on-their-coffee-and-donuts, snorting, lasting at least 10 minutes, roaring, laughter.

I didn't work there too long after that.
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3 amazing comments. Talk To Me!!:

Anonymous said...

OMG thats too funny!! poor thing

dykewife said...

i had to read that to bran it was so funny. i'm sure there are worse things to have done, though i'm not sure there were more amusing things. :)

Light & Shadow Photography said...

LOL Maybe you hit the nail on the head (literally) which is why he didn't dare say a thing...betcha you gave him a complex wondering what the staff was talking about behind his back!

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