Aug 10, 2008

Can't take me anywhere.

Yesterday was the trip that I dread with every fiber of my being each year.
It was time to shop for school clothes.

This hasn't always been a major deal in our house..
When the boys were small. I'd go buy clothes, they would love them and all was well with the world.

Now that they are getting older it isn't so easy.
I thought girls were supposed to be picky about clothes!
Oh My Goodness these boys are ridiculous!

"This shirt isn't tight enough around my arms, no one can see my bulging biceps."
"This shirt is too tight, too short, too black, too white, too soft, too scratchy, too girly, too long, to bright, too common, too original, too retro, too babyish, too nice, too dressy, too baggy, too cheap, etc etc etc..."
It's a T-Shirt for crying out loud!!!!

Don't even get me started on the jeans and shoes!

The only thing that makes this endeavor even half-way livable, is the fact that my mother is the one buying a lot the clothes for these boys this year.

We found a wonderfully acceptable store for the boys (Steven & Barry's) who has trendy clothes that they like and prices that Mom & I liked too! (nothing in the store was over $9!)

As the boys ran around the store trying to find their perfect outfits from the picked-over stock, I was getting close to melt-down-mode. My mother remained remarkably cool calm and collected.

We counted the outfits for each boy, and rejected the smart-ass T-shirts that I deemed inappropriate for school.
Then headed for the check out.
It was one of those check outs that herd you like cattle through red velvet rope barriers, leading you through a maze-like path to the register.

We stood there like good little customers waiting our turn.
When a very well dressed, sophisticated-looking, long red nail wearing, blond super-model-looking woman casually cut in the line in front of us.
My mother just stood there and said nothing.
I however, immediately informed the lady that the end of the line is "OVER THERE!" And proceeded to educate her on the rudeness of her behavior, and let her know that she was not above waiting in line like the rest of us cattle.

My children quickly disappeared out of embarrassment.
My spoiled-rotten little sister jumped up because she thought I was gonna kill the poor malnourished stick-woman.

My mother simply said... "Honey.. You really need to get out more don't you?"

Then we were off to lunch.
We went to a rather nice Italian restaurant.
I, of course, drizzled a balsamic vinegar reduction sauce on my brand-new shirt with my first bite.
I casually grabbed an ice cube to rub on the spot before it set and became a stain.
My sister began to laugh..

Who knew rubbing ice on your right nipple in the middle of a restaurant would not be seen as acceptable? I never really gave it a second thought.. I needed to get the stain out!
And you can't blame me for not knowing that the moisture from the ice cube would make my leopard-print-bra show very clearly through my shirt.

yeah.. It was not one of my better days.

I used to be very socially acceptable ya know!..
really.... I was once.
I'm not sure what happened.

Now I just wonder how long it will be before my mother takes me out in public again.
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5 amazing comments. Talk To Me!!:

Anonymous said...

LOl your a hoot! don't worry Dana. I'll take you out in public!


Anonymous said...

at least you have the guts to wear a leopard print bra! You Go Girl!


dykewife said...

hey! telling a skanky butt woman to get to the back of the line is not only acceptable, it's a great way to teach manners and boundaries to kids (even if they do scatter out of embarrassment)

as to dripping on your shirt, hey, last night i dripped on my shirt too. in fact, i had that shirt on for, maybe, 20 minutes before the "incident".

i love the idea of a leopard print bra to shop in. if you read chickweed lane (a comic) you'll know that the main adult character wears leopard print underwear when she has to meet with the trustees of her university. they always do as she says. always.

Anonymous said...

LOL I thought the kids were supposed to embarrass us at the mall?!?

hehe.. I would have knocked the stick-woman out of line too!


Shelljo said...


I'd have done the same thing--with the ice cube! I also went school shopping this weekend. Took DD, but not DS. And, DD was mortified by my hair. It's curly. It was humid. Curly hair + humidity = big mess.

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