Oct 10, 2008

To My Short People.

You seriously expect me to believe that the big fat D on your report card was one of the highest grades in the class?? Everyone is failing? I should be proud of the D?? Really?
The Teacher is THAT bad? Wow!
I'm thinkin I should bake you some cookies to celebrate your accomplishment!
Or.. perhaps I should ground you and take away your phone like we agreed upon.
Decisions, Decisions.

Yes, I'm sorry to break it to you.. Even if you swear to never use the bathroom in this house again, you still have to clean the toilet when it's your day to do the bathroom...
nice try tho, and I am impressed with your creativity.
Are you really sure tromping through the woods , digging a hole, and pooping out there really that much easier than cleaning the toilet once a week?

Ummm yes, as a matter of fact, when you get grounded for getting that D on your report card, I will not let you drive. Sucks huh?
It's simple really.... S-T-U-D-Y!

Yes I'm sure he farted.. thank you for sharing... I can now sleep soundly with this knowledge.

You can shoot a basketball in the hoop, you can throw a football through a tire, you can get a ball in the pocket on the pool table, you can hit a bulls eye on the dart board, you can catch tossed popcorn with your mouth...
Why oh why can't you hit the toilet more accurately???
huh?? WHY????

I don't care if your hair is shorter after your hair cut. It still needs to be washed every day.. deal with it.

Yes, I know that you are the only child in the world who wasn't allowed to go to the homecoming football game without a parent with them.
I'm mean....
My sole purpose in life is to make you miserable.
I lay awake at night thinking of new ways to ruin your life.
It's working?
whoo hoo! Success!

I love you....
Mom
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11 amazing comments. Talk To Me!!:

Julie said...

It's 2 in the morning and I'm sitting with my sick 6 month old laughing my ass off. I'm reading what is sure to be my future.

Willow said...

Admit it; you've been in my house spying on me, haven't you? This is my life almost exactly only you tell it way funnier than I do!

The hole in the woods thing? I can see my boys preferring that over cleaning toilets!

Thanks for the laugh first thing.

Mrs. G said...

Bwahahaha! I'm going to save this and use it when I have my own children.

I couldn't stop laughing!

Thanks :)

Jenn said...

I think kids act the same everywhere! I like the new look !

PJ said...

wonderful post! my children are grown and believe me, it does get better. they do turn into wonderful human beings. sometimes it may not seem possible, but it does happen.

On The Verge said...

I have so much to look forward too! LOL

Carol said...

You mean I'm not alone? There are other moms out there suffering from my son's piss-poor aim?

Jenn said...

Ahh..yes, another mom who insists on decent grades! I've gotten the "My F/D is the BEST grade in the class" excuse too, and I refuse to believe it. Little turds.

At least you let your kid go to the homecoming game. Mine had two Fs so any kind of social fun whatsoever is on hold until she brings those up.

Cathy said...

rotfl!!!

Something for me to look forward to eh?

Have a great week ahead.

fidget said...

hmm i might poop in the woods if I means I could give up cleaning the toilets

mama bear bugga said...

i actually dread the day my daughter reaches this age.

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