Jun 1, 2009

Call the Press!! Medical Breakthrough in My Kitchen!!

Having a medical background, I am not one to take other peoples' medical issues lightly.

Something that I may find merely an occasional annoyance may be someone's daily torture.

For example...
Seeing someone at the pool with a third nipple may cause some people to point and laugh.
Not me! I feel for the third-nipple-haver,
I wish I could help them,
I wish I could take away all the unwanted and un-kind stares from strangers.
I wish I could bring them peace.
I would want to be their friend.

What about those poor souls who are cursed with excessive ear wax production?
They endure years of "taters in yer ears" jokes.
Kids pick on them because excessive ear wax equals cooties to school-aged children.
I just wanna scoop them up in a warm hug, dry their tears and offer them a Q-Tip.

Or...
Some people may find the topic of constipation laugh-worthy.
I, for one, know it is no laughing matter!

As a matter of fact, I have found the cure for constipation!
Thats right!! I said CURE!

I have the cure for any case of constipation right here in my little old farm house.
The cure can be found in my kitchen!
I have observed its magical powers for almost 7 years.

I have decided to share this knowledge with everyone out in Internet-Land.
Ready?

Come clean my kitchen!

You read it right.
Come clean my kitchen and even the most difficult clogs will quickly become... well... unclogged!

It never fails.
Every time I ask one of my young-men-folk to clean the kitchen, within 5 minutes they are in the restroom!
I'm not talking about a quick trip either!
They are in there for a loooong cleansing time!

Here is what I am offering...
We can work out a deal...
Bring me your clogged bowels...
I'll bring you speedy relief and get a clean kitchen to boot!

And don't worry...
I won't snicker or giggle...
I just might hug you!

Deal?






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13 amazing comments. Talk To Me!!:

ginnie5 said...

roflolpimp! you never cease to amaze me!

Heather @ Not a DIY Life said...

Ha! Thanks for the laugh this morning!!

I remember having a similar problem when I was a kid. Anytime something needed carried in from the car, I "HAD" to use the bathroom NOW!

Too funny!

Katidids said...

Ok, I have coffee coming from my nose! Is it a boy thing? This was so my son....It go to the point I had to say,Your a big boy, & then you beter hurry and get the dishes done! Thanks for the memories!

Katidids said...

Oh, and its god to know the survived your sister!

Annette said...

LMAO! That is my youngest daughter. Thank goodness I had already finished my coffee! =)

Screwed Up Texan said...

My youngest has a birthmark right next to one of his nipples that looks just like a third nipple. He even knows what it is by name as when we ask his to point to his "Triple Nipple," he does.

And I am SO NOT kidding!

Yart said...

Come to think of it I think I have the cure also. But we call it chorearia. WoW! My Teenage monster suffers from it quite a bit.

Janine said...

Brilliant. Now if you could just get my 6 year old out of the restroom when it's dinner time, we'd have a deal...

Sab said...

Hhahahaha! That is EXACTLY what my brother would do. Time for dishes? Clear the table? He'd disappear into the bathroom. He never did figure out that it didn't matter how long he was in there, he'd have to still do his work when he came out.

Angelena said...

We have the same miracle cure that goes on nightly here at our farm as well. The only problem.... 3 boys and only 2 bathrooms lol You should see them run to get to one of those bathrooms!!

Mom said...

So THAT's where they disappear to when I mention cleaning the kitchen.

...

TeresaR said...

LOL!! Oh, the ear wax thing...sooo not funny! ;D My FIL has the most terrible ear wax problem. In fact, dh has to take him to the doctor to get it taken care of tomorrow. His nurses at his assisted living home said that they'll have to administer ear-wax medication every month to prevent it from reaching this level again. I think you should go hug my FIL. ;)

Kimberley said...

Oh how hilarious! And how true ;o)

Although admittedly, my eldest son (ok...so he's only 8), still enjoys helping his Mama tidy up. I'm savouring every moment, since I know it won't last!

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