Sep 16, 2009

I could have smoked CRACK when I was pregnant!

But...
... I didn't.

Why??
Because I was worried I would scramble their precious little brains.

I didn't wanna scramble their brains.
I wanted their brains to have the best possible chance at being "normal".

And yet....
They are not.

The amount of DUMB that a teenage boys body can hold astounds me.
Every stinkin day they give me more reasons to shake my head in disbelief because of something they do, or something they say, or something they try.
It NEVER ends!

Today is a perfect example....

Scrambled son #3 walks into the house and calmly asks...
"Mom, is that table against the back of the house supposed to be on fire?"

me - "WHAT!?!?!?"

him- "The table against the back wall of the house.. it has BIG fire on it."

Me- running hysterically to put out the HUGE fire reaching above the roof of the house.

Scrambled son #1 casually walks out of the house, see's his hose wielding mother frantically putting out the fire and screaming at everyone asking what in the @$(*% happened to start a fire on the table that is ACTUALLY touching they house and says...
"Oops, My Bad. I lit a campfire starter and set it on the table and forgot it."

Ummm MY BAD???
You almost burnt down the house, and all you can say is MY BAD???
MY BAD???

Are You Kidding ME????

my 17 year old son... (sorry, I'm having a hard time even TYPING this, because of the stupidity it involves)... set an incendiary device on a fiberglass table that is sitting against the wall of our wooden house, and walked away!!!

MY BAD???

So, you see, I COULD have smoked crack and gotten the same results!

Parenting Teens.... is NOT for the weak!



p.s. - I am no way no how making light of what they call "crack babies" and/or any baby born with complications due to illegal drug abuse during pregnancy.

p.s.s - It's a rant.... I could have said Opium... or Shrooms.... or Acid..... insert any non-upsetting to you illegal drug you'd like.

p.s.s.s. - these p.s's are an attempt to save the fingers of those who will send hate mail. ThankYouVeryMuch.
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15 amazing comments. Talk To Me!!:

dykewife said...

so...is he still alive?

Katidids said...

I ask the same question as the first commenter! So glad these things happen to other people. That makes us "Normal"!

Dana said...

well... he is still alive... for now.

The man-of-my-dreams hasn't read this yet and he comes home tomorrow....
to be continued...

Patty said...

Oh sorry, I had to giggle..kids can be so duh sometimes...I think I would have taken the hose (after I got the fire out) and wrapped it around his neck..Ok not really, but a two minute fantasy never hurt anyone lol..
Glad things weren't worst.

Lisa D. said...

I'm sorry - this made me laugh so much! I don't have teenagers, but I do have 2 sons (and 2 daughters), and I'm sure I won't be laughing in a few years.

Sadly, this is not what I was thinking of when I wanted a baby - all I thought about was an adorable newborn, maybe a cute 2 year old. My only concern was "This baby has to come out!" when really, my greatest fear should have been "This baby will turn into a teenager!"

silverilex said...

LOL Another example of testosterone and hormones short-circuiting the brain waves!

ehart said...

Did you at least turn the hose on him??? Or throw the hose in his direction????

"Is the table suppose to be on fire?" That's rich. I think he's related to my 19-year-old. The "my bad" would belong to my 16-year-old. Fortunately, none of mine play with matches or campfire starters.

Annette said...

LMAO. Sadly, teen girls carry the same amount of stupid, though for mine I call it headupassitis. *shakes head sadly* Mine have not tried to burn down the house. . . yet.

I feel for you! A very entertaining read. =)

Jenn said...

Oh ..I would have been so wild with rage...I thought my two teen girls did stupid crazy crap ...with them it would have happened in the house with a candle setting a curtain on fire or something.

So is he in lock down until the hubby gets home ?

walkertxkitty said...

I think the amount of stupid a teen's body holds is probably one mathematical mystery best unsolved.

You did good, I'd have killed them both and then had to use the fire to hide the evidence.

Adelia said...

Oh, great! This is what I have to look forward to...I'm the Momma of three little boys who keep me very busy. So, you're saying to strap in, eh? Thanks for the heads up!! :-D

Tonya said...

Mother of a 17 yr old here....sad thing is....even in the late teens...it just gets worse. I don't think they really understand anything until mid to late 20's. But I think all us women knew that already!!! LOL!!!

So glad you still have a house!!

bigjobsboard.com said...

Hahaha..I know your disappointed about it. I am laughing because where in the same situation. My son is a headache. But I can't do anything about it because his my only son. And his dad spoiled him too. So, we just let his stupidity go through. I hope someone can do something about it. Maybe, my mom or dad?!! I don't know yet.

CJM said...

My boyfriend's son uses the side of the garage as his target for throwing knives, has burn marks in his bedroom carpet, and (his latest) embedded BBs in his bedroom wall! I understand completely where you are coming from!

Suburban Psychosis said...

A few month ago my stupid teen allowed and laughed while one of his stupid friends made torches from cans of Axe body spray and a lighter. They burned stuffed animals and plastic cups!

Long story short. I called the friends parents and made them sit in my living room while I explained what I would do to him, if he ever put my family and our home in jeopardy again. He is banned from even coming on my lawn. My stupid son got hard labor and lost his computer, and game system. He also can't use aerosol anything anytime soon.

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