Mar 28, 2010

"Sexing It Up" FAIL!

So... The Man-of-My-Dreams has been gone working in Kazakhstan for 28 days.
28 looooong days!
Needless to say, we miss each-other, we really miss each-other!

When he comes home, we always plan at least one night alone together before returning to the crazyness of the kid-filled farmhouse.

This homecoming was no different, I was so excited planning our romantic night alone.
I had several surprises for him!

When he left, I was a dark brown brunette, when he came home, I was a bright red-head! (yes, pics will be posted ASAP!)
I now have a clover wedding band tattooed on my ring finger,
I even got a little naughty piercing for his eyes only! (shhhhh! don't tell my mother!)
and I am wearing a size smaller clothes than I was when he left.

The day before he was due to arrive, I set out to get myself all prettyfied for my man.
I went to get my nails done, and even decided to get a deluxe pedicure.

As I was running out the door, I realized that it would probably be a good idea to shave my gorilla-like legs before the poor little woman had to see and touch them, I mean... she already had enough to deal with working on my feet, considering I hardly ever wear shoes!

I ran back into the house, rolled the legs of my jeans up to my knees and did a quick dry shave on the bottom half of my legs.
Yes... I knew I would have a little razor burn... But I can deal with that. It was better than letting everyone in the salon know how that "crazy Wife Swap Lady" had let herself go while her man was gone.
Then I was off..

Man! I love Love LOVE the deluxe pedicure!
The massage chair kneaded & worked my back, while the hot water and foot/leg massage worked out everything else! I WILL be doing this again!

I came home with just enough time to get ready before I had to head off to the airport and pick up the love of my life.
I laid out the sexy little black dress and black thigh-highs I was going to surprise him with and went to do some pretty major construction work on myself.

I plucked, I tucked, I scrubbed..
While I was doing that I applied a nice thick layer of hair removal cream.
I have used this cream several other times and just love the silky-smooth results!
But this time.... when I slathered it on the lower half of my legs, It burned!
It REALLY burned!
YIKES! I thought, I guess I DO have some razor burn!
Then I hopped into the shower to rinse it off and finish off my primping.

I got into my sexy outfit and made it out the door just in time to make the long drive to the airport.
When I got there, I parked in the "will call" lot and waited for him to call.
My legs were still stinging, but I was too excited to let that bother me.

The longer I waited, the more my legs burned.
It felt like a had a major sunburn on my shins and calves!
My silky thigh-highs now felt like they were made out of sandpaper!
And the heat? Oh My GOODNESS I was on fire!
Then he called (((swoon)))

We greeted with a passionate kiss and were off to get the first really good meal he had eaten in almost a month.
He liked my new look!
And he was excited to see his other little sparkly but hidden surprise that he knew waited for him to examine when we made it back to the hotel room.

We were enjoying our romantic lunch, but secretly I was dying!
I had to do SOMETHING to make my legs feel better!
I tried to nonchalantly wiggle out of my thigh-highs under the table without him (or a anybody else) noticing... it worked.
Until we got up to leave...

"What happened to your legs???" He was shocked!
I glanced down and saw that they were red... Glowing red!.. Flashing NEON red! Really REALLY Extremely RED!

(snapped w/ my camera/phone outside the hotel)

I almost burst into tears while explaining how I was trying so hard to look good and be exciting for him.
He just smiled and reassured me that I was always beautiful to him, and he thought it was kinda silly that I put myself through all of that to begin with.

We made it to the hotel (after a side trip to the drug store for aloe) and tried to enjoy the togetherness and quiet.
This wasn't as easy as it sounds....
Between a still-tender and new sparkly piercing, and my now-bleeding legs he couldn't even look at with out hurting, The poor guy was almost scared to touch me!
Add in his jet-lag, You could say things didn't go exactly as I had planned.

But I am SO glad to have him home!
And we now have 28 days to make up for my botched attempt for an exciting night away!

Maybe next trip we'll just let him be greeted at the airport by the same boring girl he married.



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8 amazing comments. Talk To Me!!:

simplefarmgirl said...

awh Dana,,Its it nice to know they love ua no matter what we look like,, but i bet he appriecates all you went thru to do a little extra just for him.

Mari said...

That is so hilarious...and so true as to what we women do, isn't it? Right on girl. Would love to see the new hair do though! :) glad your man is back home. Fun post. Thanks for sharing.

Domestic Goddess said...

After child #4 I thought I would SEX things up a little by getting my hair done. I wanted highlights, red and blonde highlights. Unfortunately, my hair apparently likes red dye because it sucked it right in and I had fire engine red stripes and bleach blonde stripes. Now on some hot svelt young chick that may have looked good. On this plump earth mama it was bad, really really bad. Hubby took one look and said I appreciate the effort but can it be fixed? I think I'll stick to the boring me too!

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

That's happened to me. More than once. Because I am slow...Hope it didn't last too long. :o(

Family, Money and Stuff said...

Aww. You two are cute. I trust you made up for lost time ... :)

Jazzy said...

This was too much fun, I feel bad laughing this hard! Thanks for sharing!

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