Jun 7, 2010

A Big Step.

Remember this post?
Well.. the saga continues….

My Son “C” is growing into such a fine young man.
I am so proud to be able to call this amazing creature my son.
He is a senior in High School.
He works at the University of Texas each summer.
He is loyal and fiercely protective of those he loves.
He is kind-hearted, gentle, goofy, and, at 6’ 4” he’s HUGE!
He will be 18yrs old in 8 days…

While he is a well-adjusted young man, he still is searching…
He is searching for who he is…
He is searching for where he came from…
He is searching for his roots…
He is searching for his family.

After 16 years of nothing, he finally had some contact with his biological father.
They exchanged a few e-mails and several text messages.
C was thrilled!
He has so many questions and longs for some connection, no matter how small, to that side of his family.
He was ecstatic when he even found one of his aunts on a social networking site.

He introduced himself, and they chatted for a bit.
She was gracious and kind to him.
She was shocked to find out she had a nephew that she didn’t even know existed.
C was on cloud 9 knowing that he was making connection with the other side of his family and he really looked forward to their little chats.
She was surprised when she saw his pictures and she saw for herself the strong family resemblance C had to his father.
Understandably, she needed to talk to her brother, she now had questions too.
She was worried about her other nephew, C’s half-brother, who also has no idea he has an older brother.

Fred, was less than impressed that C tracked down his little sister.
He was down-right angry about it.
Apparently, this was not a secret that he wanted revealed.
He scolded C for contacting her.

Then all conversations stopped.
I can only assume that when asked, Fred denied that C was his son.
It is understandable that a sister would believe her brother over some strange kid who contacted her out of the blue.
So C found himself back at square one.

When Fred and I ended our relationship many many years ago, I know that he fabricated many stories about me to explain the break-up….
I was unfaithful,
I was “with” several of his friends,
I could not be trusted, etc… etc… etc…

None of these stories were even remotely true, but I guess it was his way to explain things to his family in a way that they would never ask about me again and believe him when he said that the growing life inside me was not his.
It was his way to hide his secret…
The secret that he was going to be a father…
His secret son…

I’m sure he thought he could go on with his life and. If he ignored it, it would go away…
The only thing I ever asked.. no, I demanded, was that he never hurt C.

The last words typed between C and Fred was Him telling C to "leave Me Alone" Because he didn't want any "trouble".

In the past 19 years Fred has never denied or even questioned his paternity to myself or to C.
He even sent C a letter apologizing for “16 years of nothing”.
But, it seems it’s a different story to everyone else in his life.

C is hurt.
No… he is devastated knowing that he was so close to having some answers, some connection to his roots, his family, and now they are gone.

This is where I step in.
This is where I fix something that should have been fixed many many years ago.
This is where Mamma Bear protects the tender heart of her young.
This is when I give C proof to show his new-found family that he is one of them.

I have set things in motion to end any questions.
To clear up any doubt that C is indeed Fred’s son.
I have no doubt.
C has no doubt.
And Fred, in a corner of his heart that he chose to keep secret has no doubt.
Now the rest of his family will have no doubt either.

The following weeks and months will be spent in court, in paternity testing offices, and, I’m sure there will be some extremely angry words spoken.
Fred will no longer be able to run from his secrets and untruths.
I’m sure it will be unpleasant for him.
He will have some difficult questions to answer to many people in his life.

But, in the end, C will get what he deserves.

You see… in my opinion, this has very little to do with Fred.
Fred had his chance and he tossed it away like a crumpled up piece of garbage.
Fred doesn’t deserve to know C.
Fred doesn’t deserve to have any part in this amazing young man’s life.
Fred did not earn his love, his respect or the title of Parent.
Fred has never helped with C.
Fred has, by choice, ignored his very existence.
Fred does NOT deserve C.


C deserves answers.
C deserves to know where he comes from.
C deserves to be a part of his entire family.
C deserves the world…

And I’m gonna do whatever it takes to get my son what he deserves.

The most important thing is to establish paternity legally, so C has something to prove who he is and hopefully be accepted into his extended family.

You can only run from the truth for so long, before it comes back to bite you in the butt.
In the end…. It will be worth it all to see my son get what he rightly deserves.
And to see him have the sense of satisfaction, knowing that he is not a dirty little secret.

I hope and pray that he is welcomed with kindness and understanding into his new family.
It is the least that he deserves…

All I can say is, hang on…
It’s gonna be a bumpy ride.

UPDATE HERE 8/27/2010
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12 amazing comments. Talk To Me!!:

Lacey said...

I have a father (term used loosely) much like "Fred"...we reconnected a few years ago, but he told me he felt guilty so I told him that I didn't want to add to his guilt and haven't talked to him in a couple years since. I hope "Fred" decides to man up, but if he doesn't then your son shouldn't waste his time or effort on him anymore.

Anonymous said...

God Bless and good luck! C is lucky to have you.

April in CT said...

You are brave, I see why your son is such a good man. Good luck, stay strong and I hope in the end C gets a lot of good things from this.

dykewife said...

i wish you much luck. i hope that c finds the answers, though somehow i can't help but feel they won't be the ones he wants. his dad is obviously a snake (though i dislike insulting such a useful animal) and has all the sensitivity of a concrete sidewalk (which his lying resembles quite handily).

good for you for stepping up. that's how a parent is supposed to act.

Trace said...

I have to say I am very proud of you for doing this for your son and yourself! However I feel sorry for C to have a horrible father like that! But at least now he will have the truth and so will his father's family and they will all know what a waste of skin he is!! I hope then his family will open their hearts to your son.

Anonymous said...

I happen to know this story very well. I was there for the entire thing. In was I am glad that Freddie was never in "C" life because "C" wouldnt be the man that he is today. "C" has such a big heart and I know that he would open it up gladly for the people that should know and love him. Just the fact that these people have turned their backs on a boy that they can clearly see with just there eyes that "C" is a member of their family makes me sick. The only thing that Dana did wrong was love the wrong guy. She never did any of the things that this "PIG" said she did. He will find a special place in Hell when he gets there for lying and turning his back on the innecent baby that he onced held. Freddie didnt and still doesnt deserve a son like "C".

I love you Dana and "C"

Anonymous said...

You're right...he does not deserve to know the beautiful young man you raised. I do hope that in establishing the legal parentage it will restore contact with the family but...you never know how that will work out.

My father died when I was young and I lost all contact with his family. A few months ago they found me on a networking site. You can guess where that went. I don't know what they wanted, but...it wasn't me. Once they found whatever they wanted, they stopped talking to me.

I don't put myself out for them any more. I hope C's journey ends differently with happier results.

Hillside Way Farm - unemployed housewife said...

I wish you luck giving C the answers he deserves. :)

Sandra said...

Hang in there Dana and continue to stand by your son!

Rose said...

I came from a situation very like this one. Except in mine, my 'dad' threatened to kill if we ever proved that I was his child. Of course in this DNA world, I could easily do so, but I haven't seen him since I was 3, and don't plan to look him up.

I hope C gets what he needs from this, and I commend you both for making his dad sit on the hot seat for awhile. But C already knows who he is, and his knowing that, no matter what his dad has said in the past, will always hold true.

Rhonda said...

Dana I give you lots and lots of credit. I would do the same thing. You will be perfect in court. Stay strong and you will have the world in your hands.

Anonymous said...

I will keep you and C in my prayers and hope that he finds what he is looking for.

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