Jan 30, 2011

Names Have Been Changed to Protect The Bloody.

There was a girl.
Her name is... um...  lets just call her my "friend".

She wanted to surprise her husband w/ something a little fresh, new, and sexy.
She decided she wanted to try getting a Brazilian wax.

She researched salons that offered the Brazilian wax that were in her area.
She was disappointed to find  out that the cost of the procedure was almost as much as the down payment she put on her car!

The girl was blue...
...and hairy
Until she happened to find a Do-It-Yourself Brazilian wax kit at Wal-Mart.

The girl bought the DIY wax kit.
The girl took it home and read all the instructions.
She waited for a day when the kids were all at school and her husband was at work.

She gathered the needed supplies.
She took the mirror off of her dresser and laid it on the floor so she could see what she was doing.
She poured herself a glass of wine and prepared herself for a day of primping, pampering, and girlie stuff.

She straddled the mirror, after she recovered from the incredibly un-attractive and hairy sight that looked back at her, she readied the first strip of glue-covered cloth.

She carefully applied the first sticky strip to her nether-regions,
She rubbed it to make sure it grabbed each and every ugly hair,
Stretched the skin taunt, per the instructions....
and Pulled!

The package told her there "may" be some "minor"  discomfort.
The package told her there "may" be some "minor" redness.

The package did NOT tell her that her involuntary screams would cause the neighbors to call the game warden reporting hearing the abuse of some large wild animal on her property.

She looked at the sticky-strip hoping to see the freshly removed hairs that would have made the horrific pain worth it all.
She, not only saw hairs...

When she looked into the mirror again,
she didn't see "minor redness" she saw BLOOD!

So, she did the most logical thing she could do..
She kept applying the strips.

The first one may have been a fluke.
Maybe she did the first one wrong.
Maybe she didn't pull it off fast enough.
Maybe it was too hot,
Maybe it was too cold,
Maybe she didn't pull the skin taunt enough.

The 2nd strip removed a little more hair than the first.
But the 2nd strip also managed to grab the edges of the freshly-ripped-from-the-first-strip flesh and tear it even more!

She repeated this 6 times.
She is not a quitter!

She is also not sexy-silky-smooth "down there"
She only hopes that, once the scabs heal, she will find that the removed tissue also contained the hair follicles  and she will some-day be hair free.

Instead of her husband coming home to find a sexy smooth surprise, he found her straddling an ice-pack.
Instead of a fresh and clean looking "uh-huh", he found one that looks like it spent the day on a bed of fire ants!

 She thinks she'll stick to shaving from now on.....
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9 amazing comments. Talk To Me!!:

sue said...

you have NO fear!!!
I'm not sure if that is a good thing or not. Hope you are walking soon.

Virginia said...

YOUCH!!!!!!!!!!! It hurts just to read about...

~Deb~ said...

oh wow, omg and all of that! You are a far stronger woman than I! I don't even like getting my brows waxed!
your post about your "friends" experience" gave me a good laugh, in fact I haven't laughed like that in ages, thanks

Lola said...

Shaving with a razor and/or using an electric trimmer is much less painful and definitely less bloody if you're super careful.

Anonymous said...

Ow! Good grief! Luckily my men prefer the natural look (not that I have much there, I can thank my Native American heritage for that).

Doesn't sound like the waxing procedure has improved much since I had to use it for my face owing to metabolic issues and missing hormones.

You have more guts than I do, I'd have quit stat!

Domestic Goddess said...

I can't breathe from laughing!!! I would have stopped with the first strip...

dykewife said...

omg!! i had to read this to my hubby. he winced through the entire thing. he's still wincing. i'm laughing.

Anonymous said...

Yikes. If you...I mean, if your 'friend' ever recovers enough to try waxing, I have one tip: baby powder.

Seriously. Use some on your skin before you wax, it'll make sure the wax doesn't stick to your skin.

Though I really wouldn't blame you if you never waxed again!

Anonymous said...

I bet she's still afraid of killing a spider.

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