May 10, 2011

They Call Me Grace...

I've never been one who was known as graceful.

Instead of gliding across the floor, I Tromp.
Instead of being soft and demure, I'm tough and strong.
Instead of being soft spoken and classy, I'm loud and opinionated.

I've been classified a "Bucolic Matriarch" to millions on TV.
I've been told I'm "Beautiful" & "Handsome", but never "Pretty" or "Cute"
I'm "funny" and "Witty" not "Sophisticated" and "Educated"
Instead of being voted to the homecoming court in High School, I was that girl who fell in the trash can in the cafeteria.

I'm a tad clumsy.
I am quite uncoordinated.
I can't walk in high heels without breaking something.
I don't raise my pinky when I drink my glass of home-made wine.
I've visited every Emergency Room in every town I've ever lived in, usually resulting in something stitched, or splinted, or wearing a cast.

You would think that, now that I am getting older (almost 40!! OMG!) I would be getting better.
But.... nope, apparently I will never change.

Three weeks ago, I was on  the phone with a very important client.
I have a bad habit of pacing while I talk on the phone, I usually do laps around the kitchen, or make a large loops around the living room, hallway, and back again.

Well..  I guess this phone call needed a little more intense pacing, I went outside.
I have a HUGE yard and several pastures to choose from for my much needed phone-pacing.

I opened the front door...
I stepped out onto my front porch, (all the while woo'ing my new high-powered client)

I began to pace... well, I didn't pace...  I CHARGED!
I was confident.
I was walking with power!
I was killing this phone meeting, and my pace quickened accordingly.

The only thing was....  I kinda forgot I was still on the front porch.
I charged right off the side.
There are no steps on the side.
There have NEVER been steps on the side.
Yet, I charged right off the side of the porch without hesitation!

My phone flew 10 feet in one direction, my feet went another, and my head ended up half way across the yard!
It took me a moment to realize what had happened,
As I laid there trying to asses any damage, I tried to regain the breath that had been knocked out of my chest, I remembered that my client was still on the phone!

Yeah...  the phone WAY across the yard!

I slowly and painfully crawled my way to the pink phone.
I lifted it to my ear and heard my client on the other end...
"Dana? Hello?... "Are you there?"

Um... yeah....  how do ya play THAT one off?
I decided, as usual, I would laugh it off.
I explained that I fell off the porch and we continued our phone conference with my laying in the grass wondering if I had broken or dislocated anything vital. My client was gracious and seemed understanding, although confused.
The rest of the meeting went well, and we ended our call.

Luckily, I didn't do anything other than totally bruise the right side of my body.
Or so I thought.
About a week later I began having elbow pain.
It hasn't gotten any better. Actually, it's getting worse.
So... guess who has to go to the Dr today for an X-Ray? UGH!

Now...  I have three hours to decide on a good story to tell the Dr.
I mean, "I ran off my porch for absolutely no reason" kinda stinks as far as stories go.

Lay em on me!
What would YOU say?

Love,
  Grace.
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8 amazing comments. Talk To Me!!:

Georgette said...

Cartwheels, tell the Dr you were checking to see if you still could do them.

Blessed Rain said...

Silly woman always go with the easiest and closest answer to the truth - explain everything the like above only add a dog to the equation. Like I was on the phone with my client talking on the porch and my dog knocked me off!
See how easy! Yes my sister and I are both clumsy and klutzy, in fact I've been married 9 years and still won't strip tease for my hubby due to how it would ruin the moment and land me in the ER.

sue said...

Easy just tell him you decided to contribute to his x-ray fund. Or vacation fund or whatever.

Virginia said...

I would just tell him your FBI agent told you that you had to keep that information quiet until after you testified. ;>
Sorry about that, though. Hope you recover quickly!

dykewife said...

if you tell him you'd have to kill him now that you're working for an ultra secret government agency so ultra secret it doesn't have initials. or you could tell him the truth and lighten his day.

walkertxkitty said...

I'd tell him the truth, he'd never believe it!

I'm exactly the same way; in fact it seems to be a family trait. Whenever we have work to do around here or we're going to have fun, we joke that we have the ER on speed dial.

Hope it's nothing more serious than a badly bruised bone. The elbow can hurt for quite a while after it's banged.

Donna said...

When I stop laughing and remembering all of the times I have done similar things, I'll probably have an answer. I somehow missed the bottom step into the garage one night and had a 4x4 stop me. My angel turned my head in the nick of time or besides a messed up rotor cup and huge bruise along my side and a hurt arm and my breath knocked out of me, I would have had a broken nose. The more graceful I attempt to be, well, let's just say it ends up totally different! Tell the truth, it's always funnier! Donna
I am definitely a new follower and can't wait to read more. I would love a visit to my blog when you have a moment. http://mylife-in-stories.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

I just found your blog this evening by following a link for a recipe. Everything started off calmly, until I came upon this post. I have to tell you, I have not laughed so hard in years. I too, am an avid phone-pacer and have been involved in my fair share of embarrassing accidents. So, it was very easy for me to relate to this post. As I'm drying the tears off of my face, I hope that your arm (and pride) is doing better. I'm sorry for your accident, but THANK YOU so, so much for the laugh.

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