I've never been one who was known as graceful.
Instead of gliding across the floor, I Tromp.
Instead of being soft and demure, I'm tough and strong.
Instead of being soft spoken and classy, I'm loud and opinionated.
I've been classified a "Bucolic Matriarch" to millions on TV.
I've been told I'm "Beautiful" & "Handsome", but never "Pretty" or "Cute"
I'm "funny" and "Witty" not "Sophisticated" and "Educated"
Instead of being voted to the homecoming court in High School, I was that girl who fell in the trash can in the cafeteria.
I'm a tad clumsy.
I am quite uncoordinated.
I can't walk in high heels without breaking something.
I don't raise my pinky when I drink my glass of home-made wine.
I've visited every Emergency Room in every town I've ever lived in, usually resulting in something stitched, or splinted, or wearing a cast.
You would think that, now that I am getting older (almost 40!! OMG!) I would be getting better.
But.... nope, apparently I will never change.
Three weeks ago, I was on the phone with a very important client.
I have a bad habit of pacing while I talk on the phone, I usually do laps around the kitchen, or make a large loops around the living room, hallway, and back again.
Well.. I guess this phone call needed a little more intense pacing, I went outside.
I have a HUGE yard and several pastures to choose from for my much needed phone-pacing.
I opened the front door...
I stepped out onto my front porch, (all the while woo'ing my new high-powered client)
I began to pace... well, I didn't pace... I CHARGED!
I was confident.
I was walking with power!
I was killing this phone meeting, and my pace quickened accordingly.
The only thing was.... I kinda forgot I was still on the front porch.
I charged right off the side.
There are no steps on the side.
There have NEVER been steps on the side.
Yet, I charged right off the side of the porch without hesitation!
My phone flew 10 feet in one direction, my feet went another, and my head ended up half way across the yard!
It took me a moment to realize what had happened,
As I laid there trying to asses any damage, I tried to regain the breath that had been knocked out of my chest, I remembered that my client was still on the phone!
Yeah... the phone WAY across the yard!
I slowly and painfully crawled my way to the pink phone.
I lifted it to my ear and heard my client on the other end...
"Dana? Hello?... "Are you there?"
Um... yeah.... how do ya play THAT one off?
I decided, as usual, I would laugh it off.
I explained that I fell off the porch and we continued our phone conference with my laying in the grass wondering if I had broken or dislocated anything vital. My client was gracious and seemed understanding, although confused.
The rest of the meeting went well, and we ended our call.
Luckily, I didn't do anything other than totally bruise the right side of my body.
Or so I thought.
About a week later I began having elbow pain.
It hasn't gotten any better. Actually, it's getting worse.
So... guess who has to go to the Dr today for an X-Ray? UGH!
Now... I have three hours to decide on a good story to tell the Dr.
I mean, "I ran off my porch for absolutely no reason" kinda stinks as far as stories go.
Lay em on me!
What would YOU say?
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