Dec 26, 2007

The Man-of-My-Dreams Translation.

I have been trying to get the Man-of-My-Dreams to stop in and say hello on my blog for awhile now. He just won't hear of it.

It got me to thinking....

Maybe he thinks you won't understand him.

He does have a way with words...

Let me help you just in case you bump into him somewhere, So you'll know what he is saying.

He don't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt. = That man is confused.

Toad choker or Frog strangler or Turd floater = It's raining hard.

If you can't run with the big dogs, then stay on the porch. = If you cant handle it, leave.

He's like a blister--he doesn't show up till the work's all done = That man is lazy.

He's all hat and no cattle = That man is Pretentious.

She got whooped with an ugly stick. = That woman is unattractive.

So ugly that his mama had to tie a pork chop around his neck so the dogs would play with him. = That man is ugly.

That dog don't hunt. = You are being untruthful.

He's as yellow as mustard, but without the bite. = That man is scared.

He'd worry the warts off a frog. = That man is nervous.

She's got tongue enough for ten rows of teeth. = That woman is talkative.

He thinks the sun comes up just to hear him crow. = That man is boastful.

That's how the cow ate the cabbage. = That's how it really happened.

If dumb were dirt, he'd cover an acre. = That man is not intelligent.

If her brains were dynamite, she couldn't blow her nose. = She is not too smart.

Your pissin up-hill. = I'm not buying what you are telling me.

Busy as a one-arm paper hanger. = very busy

Knee high to a grasshopper. = Young/Short

Confused as a cow on AstroTurf. = very confused

This ain't my first rodeo. = I know what I'm doing.

My cow died so I don't need your bull anymore. = Shut up and leave.

Oh My.... I could go on & on..... well I guess I sort of did go on & on.

Now you can talk to the Man-of-My-Dreams!

aren't ya happy now?

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7 amazing comments. Talk To Me!!:

Tanya said...

I love em! sounds like my Grandpa used to talk.
Thanks for the memories!

I love your blog!
I gotta say, I have a girl crush on you!

Your new BFF... Tanya

Kelly said...

So, when do we get to see a picture of the man of your dreams? He sounds yummy!

Anonymous said...

Does he have a brother?

Don said...

I have to remember these for the guys at work! Thanks from your male readers!

unlikelyhero said...

cool blog. you make me laugh :D in the best sense. check mine

ironyman said...

an electrician I once worked with said when I asked him how his girlfriend was doing, replied; "She's ok, but she shits too close to the house". This is old Ozark Mountain vernacular for the woman who didn't keep her shoplifting and drug use from affecting the people she lived with and the police came to the house to find her, causing all sorts of subsequent problems and issues...

Nekked Lizard Lady said...

Well, I gotta admit, if I didn't already have my most wonderfully perfect male species in the entire world ---cough, hack, cough--- I might be tempted to try to take yers.

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