May 13, 2008

Tuesday Morning - tears, sweat & whine with a little self-loathing on the side.

I have mentioned once or twice that I am a tad WAY too fluffy, curvaceous, large, voluptuous, chunky FAT for my liking (or anyone else's liking for that matter).
Now that I had my horridly painful abscessed tooth removed and am feeling better I have no excuse not to get busy trying to change that amazingly depressing fact.

I have been a wife, a mother, a daughter & a sister for a looong time. Somewhere between birthin all those babies, divorcing hubby #1, becoming a full-time stay at home farm mom I let this happen to me.

I no longer have the energy that I once had.
I no longer look cute in any outfit that I put on.
I have become very self conscience. (I scan every room to see if there is anyone fatter than me, usually the answer is a deafening NO!)
My "girls" who have always been large, thus never very "perky" to start with, seem to have moved south for the winter, and decided to never come back home. (they must have also had a talk with my belly-button, cause it's moved south too!)
My chin decided it was lonely and invited a few friends to join it and hang out under my jaw.
Things that are meant to be sedentary now wiggle.
Things that once wiggled cutely now flap in the wind.
Don't even get me stared on that thing that once resembled a nice bottom. (there are no words!)

I have tried to diet and exercise many times... I have the best intentions, and, when I see no real results after working very hard, I just decide that it's not worth it and give up.
well, this morning I took drastic measures.
I got out of bed while the house was nice and quiet.
I set my camera up on the tripod.
I put on my dreaded bathing suit.
set the timer on the camera
and took several pictures.

I was quickly reminded why I do not like my picture taken!
But... as the old saying goes... pictures don't lie... Oh how I wish they did! Because I do not like what I see. I WAY don't like what I see!!!

The Man-of-My-Dreams has been wonderful throughout this whole getting way too fat thing.
He still acts like I am the pretty, sexy, cute woman he fell in love with, God love him.

But.... I cannot keep going like this or I'm gonna end up like one of those people on the Maury Povich show that they have to hire a crane and break out a wall to remove because they weigh 700lbs! well, maybe not THAT bad, but it's getting there!

I am now armed with my pictures motivation.
And am off to the dreaded treadmill....
wish me luck and pardon the whine this early in the morning....
Y'all are a great sounding board!!

I'll keep ya posted.
Oh... and any tips you might have for me? would be GREAT!!
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6 amazing comments. Talk To Me!!:

Anonymous said...

Double check your portion sizes!! I'll bet that you're putting the same amount on your plate that you give your DH and your growing boys. Google 'portion sizes' and you'll get a good idea of how much of each type of food you should be eating!
p.s. love reading your blog!

Anonymous said...

I don't know how old you are but after a certain age, those drooppy things have nothing to do with weight. :) But good luck on your goals. Margie

alemos said...

I just found your blog and I'm glad I did. For Mother's Day I asked and received work out clothes. Well I was going to start on Monday and of course the first thing I did was eat one of the donuts that had been left from "my day". Well since I blew that I decided I would eat the pizza that was left for lunch.

So today is the day I too am starting...we can do this together.

Jenn said...

I just wrote about this the other day ! I put a picture of me in a swimsuit on there I found that was taken in 04 and boy oh boy there is no way I could fit in it now and I sure wouldn't want to break my camera trying to take a picture of it !

Razor Family Farms said...

The Battle of the Bulge is raging at my house and mostly because I am not walking or swimming as much as I should. We have found some great ways to keep from unhealthy snacking though -- I have a salad jar in the fridge which is always full of yummy & healthy eats which is easy to grab and eat.

I just found your blog and LOVE it!


WildernesFamily said...


Taking your picture is an excellent motivator! Remember through your weight loss journey to take regular pictures of yourself in the same outfit. The progress you will see will also be motivating. Also, if you will be losing weight by counting calories, then is an excellent site to use.

Good luck!!!

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