Jul 16, 2008

Humiliation Chronicles (Mow & Show)

It's hot in Texas.
It's very VERY HOT in Texas!
So.. when the lawn needs mowing, I do it wearing less than normal clothes. I mow the yard... It's MY convertible (riding lawn mower) the men folk can do the rest of the yard work.. the mowing is MINE!

Anyway.... I was mowing the yard wearing one of those super-trendy terry cloth pull over tube-top like dresses.

Yes, I know that it didn't look nearly as cute or trendy on My body as it does on all the sickeningly thin super models.
But thats what I wear to mow.. deal with it.
It lets me get some sun without tan lines running down my shoulders...
It's short enough to get some color on these white legs of mine.
And we don't have neighbors close enough to really get a good look anyway.

And hey... if someone works hard enough to tromp through the woods to get a peek of the half-naked fat chick mowing her lawn.. more power to him!!

Anyway... I was mowing and the Man-of-My-Dreams was working on his car, or something, near the carport.
For some reason, none of our young-men-folk were home.
I decided I would be a little naughty.
I looked down the looong driveway to make sure no one was pulling down the drive, nope saw no cars.

As I came across the longest stretch of lawn towards the Man-of-My-Dreams,
I hollered..... Hey baby!! and pulled down the tube-top portion of my dress, waved enthusiastically, and blew kisses to him as I bounced across the yard toward him.

I thought for sure he'd be impressed with my display of love and affection and bold actions.
Who knew? maybe he'd even want to take a "break" and I'd get out of mowing for the next few hours. *wink* *wink*
He did not come rushing across the yard to give me a long passionate kiss.
He didn't even whistle or say OOOh Baby like he usually does....

All he did was shake his head, chuckle, and walk away.
I was crushed.
My feelings were hurt.
It was gonna be a long time before the "girls" came out and waved to him again!

I almost ran over a pack of teenage girls who were walking down my driveway looking for my son.
I don't know who was more embarrassed.
or the Man-of-My-Dreams.
Or my son, when his cell phone started ringing with the story of his flashing Mowing-Momma

I wonder if I'll ever see those girls again....

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6 amazing comments. Talk To Me!!:

Jenn said...

OMG! Hahaha, that's too funny!

Missy said...

LOL!! That is great!! Too funny, thanks for the laugh today, I needed it.

Grandma Rosie said...

Well, I sure hope you learned something from this!! Maybe you should mow after dark???? You so crack me up.

But then I always feed the chickens in my PJ's. So who am I to talk!

dykewife said...


that's hilarious!

if those teens haven't seen a pair of middle aged boobies, then it's high time they did :) that way they know what they're in for when they're older ;)

Anonymous said...

Thanks for keeping it real!

countrygirl3031 said...

LMAO...that is toooo funny!! You're a riot!


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