Aug 14, 2008

Dan Dinger Shorts

Dan Dinger Shorts.

What do you see when you look at this picture?
What does it make you think about?
If you are normal, you probably say .."Gee Dana, I see jean shorts."
or maybe you think about summer because thats when you wear cut off jean shorts. (if your from the 70's or 80's)

Me? I think heartache....
I think of young lovers torn apart by evil forces...
I think of the hopes and dreams of a young Dana being SMASHED to bits.
I think of tears on my pillow.

When I look at this picture, all I see is Dan Dinger.
Dan Dinger was the love of my life.
I was going to marry him.
I was going to have lots and lots of his babies.

I was 5 and Dan was 17, yes I know that was a slight age difference, but we didn't notice. Our love saw past the frivolous numbers of age.

Dan Dinger wore cut off shorts almost everywhere he went....
Everyone in our small town grew to call them Dan Dinger shorts.

Anyway.... We fell in love at church.
Each and every Sunday Dan would hold me on his hip as we greeted everyone on their way out of the big heavy wooden church front doors....

He would introduce me as his "girlfriend".
I would beam with pride.
And even asked me to marry him! I quickly said yes of course!
I loved Dan Dinger and he loved me.

I told everyone I saw that I was gonna marry Dan Dinger.
The check out lady at the Piggly-Wiggly knew I was gonna marry Dan Dinger.
The drive-thru bank teller knew I was gonna marry Dan Dinger.
The deacons at church all addressed me as "Dan Dinger's fiancee".
The butcher knew I was gonna marry Dan Dinger.
The mailman knew I was gonna marry Dan Dinger.
The old crabby lady next door knew I was gonna marry Dan Dinger.
It was a done deal.

We would be married as soon as I was old enough.
Our wedding was going to be all lavender. Lavender flowers.
A lavender cake.
And lavender balloons. It was going to be beautiful.
I was then going to have two sets of twins.
The first set would be boys, the second girls.
Oh and we were going to have a dog name Coco.
It was going to be perfect!

One night my mother came to me...
I was telling her about the wedding plans for the 1000th time.
She very matter of factly informed me that I was NOT going to marry Dan Dinger.

"What??? Why???" I asked.
"He is too old for you." she replied.
"No he isn't.. he said he wants to marry me! He lovvvvves me!!" I wailed.
"He doesn't love you like that Dana. And even if he did I wouldnt let you marry him... You are too young!"
I cried myself to sleep that night and didn't speak to my mother for 2 whole days.

The next week-end Dan Dinger left for college.
I never heard from him again.

Last I heard, he was living in a big house in Hawaii.

Gee Thanks MOM!

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12 amazing comments. Talk To Me!!:

Anonymous said...

LOl you crack me up!
still feeling hearbroken after all these years? poor baby. ;)


Dana said...

Do you know there's now a word for jean shorts...jorts! My kids and their friends use the word on a regular basis. I am not kidding...maybe it'll be in the dictionary next year!
Is it hot in Texas today?

The California Dana

Dana said...

jorts?? really? oh good grief! I think I'll stick with Dan Dinger shorts :)

thanks for the comment Dana!! (nice name btw) I get all giddy when I get comments!

Jenn said...

How funny! I bet he doesn't look so hot in those shorts now!

Sharon S. said...

What is it with toddlers and lavender? When I was three years old I was going to marry Tom Selleck. Our cake, the flowers and the brides maids dresses were going to be lavender. I think I may have watched one too many soap operas. My aunts put together a little notebook for me with pictures of Tom glued all over it.

Why did your mom have to do that? Granted, it was an impossibility from the beginning, but you eventually figure it out on your own. I think him leaving would have been a clear cut sign without your mother having to crush you.

Anonymous said...

He should not have lead you on like that. Knowing he was going off to college and leavin' you behind. Dirty, rotten, stinkin' rascal. And, oh, the nerve of yore mama. Margie (PS I spelled your wrong on purpose. Don't want all those grammar experts to get all uppity.)

Dana said...

Grammer experts read this?? Oh Crap!!! I'm reallly in trouble now!

Lee said...

I'm betting Dan Dinger didn't look anything like the picture you used for illustration when he put on his cutoffs. At least I hope not.

Bethany said...

how mad were you when Mom later had a lavendar wedding??

- your spoiled-rotten, "city girl", little sister

Anna said...

Dana, you crack me up. The first thing I thought of when I saw those cut-offs were the days of my youth when I actually looked GOOD in them. I am now hanging a sheet over my full length mirror. (sigh).
I had a Dan Dinger, too. I was in 1st grade, he was in 7th. He walked to and from school with me every day (8 grade school) and sometimes he would buy me candy on the way home. I LOVED him. I have no idea what happened to him, but I did name my oldest son his name. It didn't strike me when I named him, but occured to me later. I wonder if subconciously I still loved/love him?

Zip n Tizzy said...

Oh the angst!
I think your mom should have let you work it out on your own, but mothers sometimes panic when they know their daughters are going to be crushed, and you were only 5.
Where oh where is Dan Dinger today? You know he might be on facebook. I wonder if there is a cutoffs club?

steve hrris said...

so funny as i remember a dan dinger as a counsler at a drug rehab called teen challange i was ther in 1982 and yes shorts everywhere i think its the same guy hahahah how hillarious

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