Aug 28, 2008

Humiliation Chronicals #273

When I was 18, I attended a small community college to get all of my crappy pre-requites out of the way before I was going to go on to a major big university to become a super-famous marine biologist or veterinarian. (didn't do either... shocking, I know)

My biology class when I decided to grace them with my presence
was at night.
Biology was one of the few classes I actually liked to go to.
I always loved biology. And it didn't hurt that there was also a super-dreamy guy in that class named Teddy that I had a major crush on.

Anyway... Class would let out around 9:30pm and I would find myself walking to my beat up old bright green Ford Tempo way out in the back of an almost deserted parking lot.
Years of working late night shifts being a bartender or waitress taught me to always carry pepper spray on my key-chain.
You never knew what some stupid drunk would try to do when a cute waitress was alone late at night.

One night, I left Biology class as usual and started to make my way across the lonely dark parking lot.
I heard someone come around the side of the building.
My pace quickened...
So did the strangers footsteps.
My heart began to beat faster.
My car was the only car out in that part of the lot, and those footsteps were still following me.
I was almost in a dead run by the time I got to my car and pulled out my keys.
The stranger was getting closer and in a panic, I couldn't manage to get my car door unlocked!

I was starting to seriously freak out!
My life started to flash before my eyes...
I began to wonder if I had on clean underwear (thanks Grandma for that one!)
Darn! my sister was gonna go through all my stuff if I died!
My mom would find that old pack of cigarettes that I had hidden in my sock drawer!
Who would feed my fish?
Who would return my library books?
I wasn't ready to die!!

The footsteps were right on me now...
I did the only thing I knew to do.
I flipped the top up on my pepper spray,
Whirled around...
Squeezed my eyes closed and Sprayed with all my might!

The next thing I heard was Super-Dreamy-Teddy howl in pain as he dropped to his knees.
"Cough" "gag" "sob"... "I was just gonna ask you out Dana! Your Crazy!!
I tried to help... he just told me to get the hell away from him.
I told him I was sorry...
"Yeah.. so am I... psycho!" he yelled as he ran away.

I never did get that date.
oops
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14 amazing comments. Talk To Me!!:

dykewife said...

he might have been hunky handsome but he had spit for brains. any man who chases down a woman on a dark parking lot without hailing her first (like...hey dana! wait up!) so she knows who it is deserves to be pepper sprayed..and kicked in the nards.

you're better off without the fool.

Amy Bennett said...

Oh wow. What a bummer! Did you ever look at him again??

Dana (the Homesteading Housewife) said...

I actually think I used that as my reason to stop going to that class....

LadyCiani said...

Yeah, that's not humiliating - it's self protection.

Obviously you were much more intelligent and had more life experience than the hunky dumb guy. You're better off without him.

I would bet if he had the nerve to tell his hot-guy-friends they would have thought he brought it on himself.

Tena said...

dude, why didn't he call out your name, or say who he was instead of chasing you! Hunky or not, he wasn't very bright!
Glad it just turned out to be Teddy, and you were not hurt, but sorry your pepper sprayed away your chance of dating Teddy!
Great post, found you on MBC, comment group!

Jenn said...

Well the stupid fool should have said your name,anyone with a brain in their head might think they are scaring you chasing behind you in the dark not talking!
I say good for you ! and Sucks to be Teddy !

Zip n Tizzy said...

I'm with everyone else... he doesn't sound quick on the draw... either that or he didn't have sisters. At that age, a guy like that... you would have had to pull the pepper spray on him at one time or another. Good you just got it out of the way to begin with.

texasholly said...

ONG. That is seriously funny. He obviously wasn't the one for you if he couldn't endure a bit of pepper spray with some humor. Hmmmm...good boyfriend test?

Bethany said...

Little did you know that I was looking through your stuff while you were at class... I didn't have to wait for your demise!

- your spoiled-rotten, "city girl", little sister

PS - is that the same Teddy that every girl under 21 had a crush on?? The one with the El Camino?

Dana (the Homesteading Housewife) said...

Bethany.. yup that was the one.. and he wanted to ask ME out! lol oops

Caroline said...

Oh. Seriously. Whoops. But he should have said something way far away like "Hey wait up! I'm the dude from your class!" - who could blame you really? Way to go on your safety instincts. Just trying to go glass is half full on this one, right? :)

Tess said...

Do men ever think before they act???????

Elle said...

You're fast on the draw! He was pretty dumb not to say something to you. I bet he never made that mistake with a woman again.

Helene said...

I agree that he should've said something like called out your name as he chased you down! I would've had the same reaction you did, thinking some freak was gonna hurt me! His loss...I bet you anything he's never chased a woman down like that again!!! Lesson learned for him!!

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