Apr 27, 2010

Books I Should Write...


One of my dreams is to get published in book-form.
I've had various articles and how-to's published.
I've had interviews published.
But...
I wanna have a book published!
A cookbook, a story, a how-to.... SOMETHING!

The problem is...
At the moment, These are my choices and areas of expertise....

  1. "How to Kill a Garden, In 3 Simple Steps" - How-To
  2. "That Dog Won't Kill Chickens" - FICTION
  3. "Why My Butt is Fat" - COOKBOOK
  4. "How to Build a Pig-Proof Fence" - FICTION/How-NOT-To
  5. "Throw Up And Go Back To Bed" - PARENTING/How-To
  6. "Life After Wife Swap.. how it changed NOTHING" - BIOGRAPHY
  7. "How Not to Fall In Love With, or Name, Your Meat" - FICTION
come on!
Isn't there just ONE Pulitzer Prize winner in that list??
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Apr 24, 2010

Daily Definition (BOY)


Boy, n.
1. noise with dirt on it.
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Apr 21, 2010

Things I Never Throught I'd Say.


  1. No! You can NOT bring the baby goat inside to sleep in your bed.
  2. I have 5 children.
  3. Oh, don't worry, it's just chicken poop, it'll wash right out.
  4. Just shove the uterus back inside.... she'll be fine.
  5. I just ate squirrel gumbo.
  6. That volcano in Iceland is messing with my plans!
The Man-of-My-Dreams has been home for a month, it's time for him to go back to work in Kazakhstan..
But... Somewhere in a far away land, there is an angry volcano spewing angry ash far into the air.
This angry volcano/ash is preventing the Man-of-My-Dreams from flying out of the country.

Never, in a million years would I have thought a volcano.... in Iceland would mess with our livelihood!

more soon.....
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Apr 15, 2010

Old-Fashioned Fried Cabbage!

Growing up in the North, we didn't make fried Cabbage.
We just didn't make it.
So, I was not too interested when I first heard about it..
I mean, They fry EVERYTHING here.

When I moved to the south, I was introduced to "Chicken-Fried Steak".
Chicken-fried what!?!?!?I was mortified!
Why would anyone take a perfectly good steak, batter it, then fry it?
UGH!

I now understand the beauty of the chicken-fried steak and it's one of the most requested dishes on the farm...
But, thats another recipe, for another day.

Today, it's Fried Cabbage!

The complete recipe and a crazy amount of pictures can be found HERE
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Apr 12, 2010

How To Study Like a 17 Year Old Boy.


How To Study For a Test.
Like a 17 year old boy.

1.) Walk into the house and loudly announce "I have a BIG test tomorrow. I will be studying all evening. No time for chores."

2.) Stomp loudly when you are walking to the door to feed the animals because your horrible mother told you to do the chores anyway.
**Be sure to mutter something about it being her fault if you fail the test, can't get into a good college, can't get a good job to make money, and HER grandchildren have to live under a bridge, before you close the door.**

3.) Come in from doing your chores, plop down on the couch and flip on the TV.

4.) Practice your deep breathing so you can perform the worlds longest & loudest sigh when your wicked mother reminds you that you said you needed to study.

5.) Gather up your books and go into your room and sit at your desk to study.

6.) Go into the kitchen to get a drink.

7.) Return to your desk to study.

8.) Go to the bathroom and stay in there for 112 minutes doing God-knows-what.

9.) Return to your desk to study.

10.) Decide it is too quiet and turn on the radio.

11.) Go into the kitchen to get another drink.

12.) Return to your desk to study .

13.) Open your notebook to find a note from your girlfriend, read it 7 times and smell it 16 times.

14.) Go to the bathroom and stay in there for 73 minutes doing God-knows-what.

15.) Return to your desk to study.

16.) Flip through all 97 radio stations looking for one that is playing a song you like.

17.) Preform an amazing air guitar solo and bow to your invisible fans.

18.) Dig in your backpack looking for a pencil.

19.) Go into your brothers room to ask to borrow a pencil.

20.) Put your brother into a sleeper hold and make a bet that he can't get loose from your Grip-of-Death before passing out, squeeze him so hard that he farts.
Run out of his room before the cloud of gas kills you, making sure to knock at least two pictures off of the wall in the hallway as you fly by.

21.) Return to your desk to study.

22.) Open your text book.

23.) Go to the dining room and eat dinner... twice.

24.) Return to your desk to study.

25.) Announce that your eyes are getting tired, and hop into the shower.

26.) Return to your desk to study.

27.) Go into the kitchen for a drink.

28.) Return to your desk to study.

29.) Text your girlfriend 62 text messages.

30.) Play the drums along with your favorite song on the radio using the 2 pencils you stole from your brother for drum sticks.

31.) Turn off the light and go to sleep.

I wonder how they'll do on the test tomorrow??
I'll keep ya posted.
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Apr 7, 2010

Sprung!

Spring, that is...

I love walking around the farm and seeing bright colors begin to bloom....

Tender baby leaves emerge...


Do YOU like butter?...


I anxiously watch for my first sweet, juicy tomato of the season....


I marvel at the spectacular colors...


Happy little flowers pop their heads up everywhere!


They make me smile.


New life everywhere gives me hope.


I Love Spring!!

Don't you?
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