Nov 1, 2008

The Tumor

Home from a fun a night of Trick-or-Treating with 7 children. The Man-of-My-Dreams and I checked the Halloween Booty. We carefully picked out all the goodies we wanted to eat suspicious candy to protect our little ones from potential harm as all good parents do.

The Man-of-My-Dreams and I fell into bed. He was exhausted from working out f town the past two weeks & I was exhausted from staying home with our 5 delightful young-folk all by myself the whole time. (seriously... fighting the urge to stick a fork into the eye of a attitude-filled 16 yr old boy & attempting to convince your 4 yr old daughter that she really needs to wear clothes, takes a LOT out of ya man!)

At some point during the night I rolled over to snuggle with the strange man who was in bed beside me, I felt something on his back. It was warm, like skin, lumpy, and almost slimy.

Oh My God! I thought to myself.
The Man-of-My-Dreams has some sort of cancerous tumor growing on his back!!! And I haven't seen his naked skin in weeks, so I couldn't catch it before it was too late!

My mind started racing as I laid there in the darkness...
How am I gonna tell the kids that their father is dying!?!?
How am I gonna tell the Man-of-My-Dreams that he is??
Is that life insurance policy big enough?
Am I a good enough wife to be able to change his feces-filled diaper without gagging in his last days?
Who is gonna cook rice-n-eggs on the week-ends??
(cause I don't do it right)
Who's gonna make sure the boys pick up all the tools?
Who is gonna kill the BIG spiders?
Who is gonna put the fear of God into the Pink One's boyfriends when she is older?
Who will dust the ceiling fans?

I needed to take a closer look at the growth on my beloveds back.
I grabbed my cell phone to let its green light illuminate the tumor.

It was dark, and lumpy, and kinda gooey looking....
I leaned in for a closer look.....
It kinda smelled like....
No.... It couldn't be.....

I gave it a little lick....

Partially-melted Hershey's Kisses are my favorite!
I rolled back over and slept peacefully for the rest of the night.


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18 amazing comments. Talk To Me!!:

Allure said...

That was so funny!!! You made me smile on my birthday.
Thanks!

Jenn said...

ROFLMAO! The joys of having kids and pets...they can't seem to keep their food or snacks in the freakin' kitchen!

My daughter is 7...and I still can't convince her that wearing clothes is a good idea. I've busted her outside running around on warm days completely nekkid more than once.

Rose said...

You so crack me up!!!

Mrs. G said...

"Is that life insurance policy big enough?"

ROFL!!! Very valid question during tumor-scares.

Jenn said...

I missed a few days, I love your new look !

Kim said...

I love it! Sounds like the way I would freak out. And the most opposite thing of a tumor is chocolate! ha!

Lori of I'm no super Mom said...

That is the most hilarious thing I have ever read!!! SO FUNNY!!!

Laane said...

Haha!! Great post!

Erin Tales said...

You licked it? LMAO!

Erin Tales said...

Just letting you know - you've been buzzed at Ohana Mama!
http://www.ohanamamablog.com/2008/11/monday-mom-buzz-around-blogosphere.html.

I forgot to mention that before! LOL!

Signe said...

Ewww...how fun was that to wash in the morning?!lol

Anonymous said...

Tell me you. did. not. lick. it. Pleezzee. You are one brave girl. :) Margie

Ane Fallarme said...

Lol! talk about having an over active imagination, i do that sometimes too, scare myself silly over nothing, nice to see i'm not the only one... :)

Tulip's Talking said...

Way funny! Enjoyed you humor, and the valuable lesson.

Now I can stop taking a sleeping pill and switch to a chocolate kiss!

Furkidsmom said...

That's very funny! At least you didn't waste good chocolate!!

Lynne said...

OMG! That ending caught me totally by surprise! Very funny!

iceah said...

hahaha! you are so funny c: you made me smile there c: first time here c:

Jonny's Mommy said...

That is hilarious! I stumbled here from Blog Candy Designs and am laughing so hard! Very funny!e

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