The Tumor

Home from a fun a night of Trick-or-Treating with 7 children. The Man-of-My-Dreams and I checked the Halloween Booty. We carefully picked out all the goodies we wanted to eat suspicious candy to protect our little ones from potential harm as all good parents do.

The Man-of-My-Dreams and I fell into bed. He was exhausted from working out f town the past two weeks & I was exhausted from staying home with our 5 delightful young-folk all by myself the whole time. (seriously... fighting the urge to stick a fork into the eye of a attitude-filled 16 yr old boy & attempting to convince your 4 yr old daughter that she really needs to wear clothes, takes a LOT out of ya man!)

At some point during the night I rolled over to snuggle with the strange man who was in bed beside me, I felt something on his back. It was warm, like skin, lumpy, and almost slimy.

Oh My God! I thought to myself.
The Man-of-My-Dreams has some sort of cancerous tumor growing on his back!!! And I haven't seen his naked skin in weeks, so I couldn't catch it before it was too late!

My mind started racing as I laid there in the darkness...
How am I gonna tell the kids that their father is dying!?!?
How am I gonna tell the Man-of-My-Dreams that he is??
Is that life insurance policy big enough?
Am I a good enough wife to be able to change his feces-filled diaper without gagging in his last days?
Who is gonna cook rice-n-eggs on the week-ends?? (cause I don't do it right)
Who's gonna make sure the boys pick up all the tools?
Who is gonna kill the BIG spiders?
Who is gonna put the fear of God into the Pink One's boyfriends when she is older?
Who will dust the ceiling fans?

I needed to take a closer look at the growth on my beloveds back.
I grabbed my cell phone to let its green light illuminate the tumor.

It was dark, and lumpy, and kinda gooey looking....
I leaned in for a closer look.....
It kinda smelled like....
No.... It couldn't be.....

I gave it a little lick....

Partially-melted Hershey's Kisses are my favorite!
I rolled back over and slept peacefully for the rest of the night.