Mar 28, 2010

"Sexing It Up" FAIL!

So... The Man-of-My-Dreams has been gone working in Kazakhstan for 28 days.
28 looooong days!
Needless to say, we miss each-other, we really miss each-other!

When he comes home, we always plan at least one night alone together before returning to the crazyness of the kid-filled farmhouse.

This homecoming was no different, I was so excited planning our romantic night alone.
I had several surprises for him!

When he left, I was a dark brown brunette, when he came home, I was a bright red-head! (yes, pics will be posted ASAP!)
I now have a clover wedding band tattooed on my ring finger,
I even got a little naughty piercing for his eyes only! (shhhhh! don't tell my mother!)
and I am wearing a size smaller clothes than I was when he left.

The day before he was due to arrive, I set out to get myself all prettyfied for my man.
I went to get my nails done, and even decided to get a deluxe pedicure.

As I was running out the door, I realized that it would probably be a good idea to shave my gorilla-like legs before the poor little woman had to see and touch them, I mean... she already had enough to deal with working on my feet, considering I hardly ever wear shoes!

I ran back into the house, rolled the legs of my jeans up to my knees and did a quick dry shave on the bottom half of my legs.
Yes... I knew I would have a little razor burn... But I can deal with that. It was better than letting everyone in the salon know how that "crazy Wife Swap Lady" had let herself go while her man was gone.
Then I was off..

Man! I love Love LOVE the deluxe pedicure!
The massage chair kneaded & worked my back, while the hot water and foot/leg massage worked out everything else! I WILL be doing this again!

I came home with just enough time to get ready before I had to head off to the airport and pick up the love of my life.
I laid out the sexy little black dress and black thigh-highs I was going to surprise him with and went to do some pretty major construction work on myself.

I plucked, I tucked, I scrubbed..
While I was doing that I applied a nice thick layer of hair removal cream.
I have used this cream several other times and just love the silky-smooth results!
But this time.... when I slathered it on the lower half of my legs, It burned!
It REALLY burned!
YIKES! I thought, I guess I DO have some razor burn!
Then I hopped into the shower to rinse it off and finish off my primping.

I got into my sexy outfit and made it out the door just in time to make the long drive to the airport.
When I got there, I parked in the "will call" lot and waited for him to call.
My legs were still stinging, but I was too excited to let that bother me.

The longer I waited, the more my legs burned.
It felt like a had a major sunburn on my shins and calves!
My silky thigh-highs now felt like they were made out of sandpaper!
And the heat? Oh My GOODNESS I was on fire!
Then he called (((swoon)))

We greeted with a passionate kiss and were off to get the first really good meal he had eaten in almost a month.
He liked my new look!
And he was excited to see his other little sparkly but hidden surprise that he knew waited for him to examine when we made it back to the hotel room.

We were enjoying our romantic lunch, but secretly I was dying!
I had to do SOMETHING to make my legs feel better!
I tried to nonchalantly wiggle out of my thigh-highs under the table without him (or a anybody else) noticing... it worked.
Until we got up to leave...

"What happened to your legs???" He was shocked!
I glanced down and saw that they were red... Glowing red!.. Flashing NEON red! Really REALLY Extremely RED!

(snapped w/ my camera/phone outside the hotel)

I almost burst into tears while explaining how I was trying so hard to look good and be exciting for him.
He just smiled and reassured me that I was always beautiful to him, and he thought it was kinda silly that I put myself through all of that to begin with.

We made it to the hotel (after a side trip to the drug store for aloe) and tried to enjoy the togetherness and quiet.
This wasn't as easy as it sounds....
Between a still-tender and new sparkly piercing, and my now-bleeding legs he couldn't even look at with out hurting, The poor guy was almost scared to touch me!
Add in his jet-lag, You could say things didn't go exactly as I had planned.

But I am SO glad to have him home!
And we now have 28 days to make up for my botched attempt for an exciting night away!

Maybe next trip we'll just let him be greeted at the airport by the same boring girl he married.



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Mar 22, 2010

Help me please!

I'm looking for a change...
Help me choose.

I want to change my hair to Auburn/Red.
I want something that will POP!
But NO BURGUNDY!!


Me Now....
Dark Brown with awful burgundy undertones from a bad home hair color job.
Just in case my horrible pic doesn't show..
My eyes are hazel/green.
I have fair skin.
My hair is naturally curly and cut into a layered Bob.


Option A...

Darker Auburn/Red with chunkier light and dark highlights


Option B...
A more medium auburn..
No real noticeable highlights.


Option C...
A more red than auburn color,
Lighter than the others.
My appointment with a real live hair colorist and stylist is tomorrow morning at 10am.
HELP!!!
Because... Obviously, I know nothing! :)
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Mar 21, 2010

Bad date #36


When I was 19 I worked at "Bubba's", Bubba's was an Ice House.
I loved working there.
I loved knowing my customers by their first names.
They loved that I knew what they drank and I usually had it sitting out on the bar before they even made it inside from the parking lot.

As a matter of fact, I would go so far as to tell you that out of every job I have ever held, being a waitress was by far my favorite.
I love working with people, I love making them happy, I love food... it's perfect for me!

Bubba's was a laid back kinda joint. The jukebox was always playing great tunes, there was always the sound of breaking pool balls in the background and the smells of everything wonderfully fried and delicious.
It was the perfect job for me.

Bubba's was also a great place to meet cute men.
One night a new guy came in.
He had dark hair and dark eyes.
His name was Steve.

He sat in a corner booth and I was his waitress.
We exchanged pleasantries and started to chat.
Steve ended up staying for hours.
As he left (after leaving me a nice tip) he asked me if I'd like to go out sometime.
I happily said yes and we agreed that he would pick me up the next evening.

The next day I spent primping for my date.
I changed my clothes 73.4 times.
I had my doodle-curl bangs standing as high as I (and Aqua-Net) could make em go.
I was looking good!

I told my mother all about my new love interest.
She sat on the edge of my bed as I got ready, like one of my best girlfriends (because she was and still is one of my best girlfriends!).
My mother worked hard all day running an out-patient psychiatric clinic.
She loved her job, but worked long hours, and when she got home, I was usually at Bubba's working late.
So we enjoyed what little time we got to be together.

She was on the look-out for Steve to pull into the drive as I applied my 24th coat of Black Onyx Mascara.
I heard him pull up to the house and my heart skipped a beat.

"Honey?" my mother called out to me... "By any chance, is this wonderful guy named Steve?"
"Yes!" I replied, I couldn't believe I forgot to mention his name! "Why do you ask?"

As I turned the corner into the living room, I saw her face and it hit me like a load of bricks...
"Oh God Mom!!.... Pleeeeeease tell me Steve is NOT one of your patients!!"
At that moment he knocked on the door....
"Ummm Hi Jayne, what are YOU doing here?." he said to my mother.

He WAS one of her patients!
I wanted to dissolve into the carpet until he was gone...
How uncomfortable was this?!!?

This was the things my nightmares were made of.
My mother knew him...
My mother REALLLLLY knew him!
because... MY Mother was his therapist!
My mother knew everything about him...

Including the fact that he was in a day program because he couldn't deal with life, or hold a job, or go a day without thinking of killing himself since his WIFE left him!

Yeah...
Needless to say, that relationship didn't go very far.
But I did learn one thing...

Do NOT bring my dates home to meet my mother until I am positive of their mental stability.
It makes for extremely awkward moments!
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Mar 20, 2010

Where do they go????

That's it! I may have finally hit my breaking point!
If One more pair of shoes goes missing in this house, I really think my eye will literally explode!

I've tried everything!
Designated a bookshelf in the mud room for all shoes... this way they don't even make it all the way into the house of no return.
Can they put their shoes there?
Of course not!

I've threatened great bodily harm to the non-shoe-putter-uppers... did that work? NOPE!

I've offered rewards for those who DO correctly store their shoes.

I've pleaded, Ive begged, I've done that extremely attractive, screaming-like-a-banshee-pulling-my-hair-out-eyes-wildly-bugging-out-of-my-head-with-throbbing-veins thing.

I'm sure there have been moments when I even cried as we were late to something important because of missing footwear.

Is it getting better? NOPE!

The thing I don't get... is often the shoes NEVER show up again.
Where do they go?

Is there a secret black hole somewhere that only seeks out single socks and shoes?

Is there a shoe monster that makes off with them in the dead of night?

Is there a unreported shoe thief roaming our farm?

Or... have my children finally figured out a way to make Mommy lose her very last shiny marble.

I would love to sit and try to figure this alarming problem...

But, right now.. we are late for a baseball game because,
we can't find a shoe!!!!

This message has been brought to you by the Mom Is Losing Her Mind Society.
We now return to your regularly scheduled web surfing,
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Mar 12, 2010

Searching....

My last 10 searches on Google...
  1. how to prune banana trees.
  2. how to repair a broken leg on a couch.
  3. where to order bulk pectin.
  4. how to walk in 4" heels.
  5. best soil for pomegranate trees.
  6. how to restore a rusty cast iron kettle.
  7. Best homemade Oreo Recipe.
  8. nipple piercing pain and aftercare.
  9. cheap romantic weekend getaways.
  10. heirloom melon variates.
yeah....
I'm kinda all over the place.
Hope no one notices.
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Mar 9, 2010

I'm such a Rebel!

I have been talking and twittering about how I have been feeling a need for a change.
A change in my appearance, I mean.

I've tried changing my hair color....
Yeah... Someone please remind me that trying to drastically change your hair color yourself at home isn't the best idea if I ever wanna try THAT again!

I think it all stems from my weight-loss.
I've lost 74lbs in the past 4 months.

There have been a lot of changes in my life since I started losing the weight.
  • I've got a few new scars.
  • I have totally new eating habits.
  • I'm almost 75lbs lighter.
  • I'm wearing clothes in a smaller size.
  • Everybody says they see a big difference in my appearance.
Everyone except....
ME!

Logically, I know my body is changing, my old clothes are falling off of me!
I've lost almost 75lbs! Thats a LOT of weight!

But...
When I look in the mirror...
I don't see it.

I guess I feel like I went through and changed so many things...
There should be some dramatic, and visible-to-me, difference.

I'm just not seeing it!
I have kinda been on a quest for change.
I've gotten nails. (as my reward for losing 65lbs)
I changed the color of my hair.
I've gotten some new clothes.

But, it's just not working.
I'm still looking for that "WOW! I look different!!" feeling when I look in the mirror.

Yesterday I went and did something a little more visible to me.

I got a Tattoo!!

It's a permanent wedding band of clovers (Clover being my last name, it was the obvious choice)
I love it!
I often don't wear my rings...
working in the garden, cleaning, etc... it's just easier to have them off.
And then, I forget to put them back on.
Now I'll never be without my wedding ring again!
And, My gold wedding ring covers the tattoo, so I can wear it anytime I want as well.

The Man-of-My-Dreams should be surprised when he gets home!

I think this will curb my appetite for change...
for now.... ;)
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Mar 5, 2010

In Search of the illusive Shamrock Shake (re-do & Recipe!!)

When I was a child we waited all year for the month of March.
Not because we wanted to get busy in the garden.
Not because it was time for Spring Break.
We longed for March because March is the month of the Shamrock Shake!
All McDonalds restaurants served Shamrock Shakes during the month of March.
It was green.
It was minty.
It was refreshing.
Its kinda like a Thin Mint Girl Scout cookie. except, its cold, green and you can suck it through a straw!!
Whats NOT to love???

I'm not usually a fan of mint drinks.
But I just have to have a Shamrock Shake every March!
Did you know that I have not had a Shamrock Shake in almost 10 years????
I know!! It's almost unbelievable!!
Well, it turns out that very few McDonalds in Texas carry it!
CRAZY!
This year, I was bound and determined to find one.
I called more than 45 Houston area McDonalds to no avail.
Most of the employees who answered my phone call didn't even know what a Shamrock Shake was!!

I even called the McDonalds cooperate headquarters!
I mean.. they have to know who they shipped the Shamrock Shake stuff to right?
WRONG!
They couldn't tell me!

Whats a girl to do?
Make her own Shamrock Shake thats what!!

Behold....
Dana's Shamrock Shake copy-cat!

Not too shabby, if I do say so myself!

Yum, slurp, groan!
By George!! I think I got it!!

If you would like to make your own, I posted the full recipe on Craving Comfort.
You can find it by clicking --> HERE

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!!
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Mar 4, 2010

When Life Throws Crap At You....

Use it to fertilize!This week has been a rough on for me on the home-front.
Being forced to make some very difficult decisions on how to handle a bad situation, to which there was no clear-cut "perfect" answer, has left my heart hurting, my soul exhausted, and my mind questioning itself.

The fact the The-Man-of-My-Dreams is currently working 7,000 miles away didn't make it any easier. I was essentially on my own.
I was faced with a crisis that needed an immediate response, and I dealt with it the best that I knew how.

As the dust began to settle, I found myself (as I often do) rethinking each and every word I said, each law I laid down, the consequences I enforced, and the reasons for each of them.
In the end, I believe I made the right choices for my family. But.. that does not make tough love any easier.

This emotionally draining week could have very easily left me curled up in a fetal position in the corner of my bedroom sucking my thumb!
But alas, I'm a parent... an adult... and Life must go on.

I have a new motto...


"When Life Throws Crap at You....
Make Fertilizer!"

That's exactly what I'm doing today!
Today, I'm starting the garden.
I'm digging in the earth.
I'm pulling dead weeds and removing them from my garden.

You can't have a healthy garden when there are invasive, and sometimes dangerous, weeds in the plot.
Young, tender plants need protection and guidance to grow properly and develop a strong root system.

Growing a garden full of happy, healthy plants isn't easy - it takes a lot of work, it is sometimes unpleasant, and you most certainly will get dirty.
But the rewards are SO worth it!

Until they grow....
I'm waiting....
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Mar 3, 2010

Perfect Salmon Patties (easy too!)

I love these salmon patties!
All of my kids (even the fish-haters) all love these salmon patties.
And they are SO easy to make!

They stay moist,
They freeze beautifully,
They make a great Salmon Patty sandwich to pack in a lunch,
so make plenty for left-overs!

The complete recipe and more pictures can be found HERE
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