Boo Boos, Band-aids, and a Bad Mom.. Oh My!

Have I mentioned that I am the mother of a dare-devil?
Have I mentioned that he tends to do stupid and dangerous things?
Have I mentioned that he gives no thought to the consequences of his stupid actions?

No?
Well I am.
Worker #2 is 18yrs old and he is this dare-devil.

If it can drive, he'll find a way to make it go faster.
If it can fall, He'll find a way to make it fall faster from further off of the ground.
If it can jump, he'll find a way to make it jump further.
If I have a gray hair, he's gonna be sure to give me a million more!

This is the same child who wrecked a 4-wheeler (and his shoulder) while trying to jump a ditch.
This is the same child who has a scar from playing "catch" with a brick.
This is the same child who has scars from banging root beer bottles together trying to make "music".
I could go on and on...

Well this weekend, we went to the lake.
Saturday evening he came limping up the the campsite.
He was bleeding..  He has road rash all over the left side of his body!
He was a mess!

As I was cleaning up his wounds he explained to me that he was running behind his brothers truck trying to beat him to the pool, wearing flip-flops, down a hill and he fell.
Ugh! We laughed at his stupidity for running in flip-flops on a hill and he limped away.

The next day, I has spent the morning riding my jet ski.
I was towing it out of the lake, when my 11yr old (Worker #4) asked if he could ride on the jet ski  back to the camp site.
Worker #2 went into the game room to play video games.
The Little-Foreman-in-Pink was in the truck, as was Worker #3.
"Sure", I said...  I was only driving up the hill to our site. It was safely secured to it's trailer and I would not pull it fast through camp.

I made sure I was watching  Worker #4 to make sure he was holding on tight to the handle bars of the jet ski, as I pulled out, (I may or may not have gunned it a tiny bit to freak the boy out just a little bit).
His eyes got HUGE and he screamed as I watched a green flash fall to the ground.

It seems worker #2 (wearing all green) had somehow, unnoticed by me ran up to the truck and sat on the corner of the tailgate.

When I moved the truck, I was watching worker #4 on the jet ski and never saw him.
He fell from the tailgate and under the tires of the jet ski trailer!!
 I ran over my kid!
And now...  his right side matches his left side... totally skinless and full of road-rash.

I felt terrible!
I was terrified!
So was worker #4, he was certain he was running over his big brother and killing him.

I took the bleeding child up to the camp site and began cleaning his fresh wounds when Worker #1 walked up and heard what happened.

"Mom" he said...
"I guess the statute of limitations doesn't really matter anymore"... 
I had no idea what he was talking about.

The two stupid 18yr old boys explained...
The night before....  when worker #2 "fell" while running down the hill in flip-flops?
Apparently, he was riding the back of his brothers truck and fell off as they drove down the hill!!!

Two days in a row this brillient child was thrown from the back of a truck!
And yet...  he lived.

He better be careful because I've always heard these things happen in three's...
and if he EVER gets on the back of a truck again....
He won't have to worry about falling off and getting hurt!
I'll take care of it with my bare hands!

UGH!
Teenage Boys!!!

I've gotta go color the newly-sprouted gray hairs that are on my head...
Bye.

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Suck It Up...

"Suck it Up" is what I told him when he said he wanted to sit on the bench the rest of the game.

It was a hot, sweltering, Hell-like 100 degrees outside.

They were not having a good game,
It just wasn't their night,
There were errors, and just plain old bad luck running rampant on that baseball field,
It was the first time they were getting beat BAD this season.
It was NOT one of their funner games.

"Suck it Up" was what I told him when he told me his hand hurt when he batted.
This came after I watched him play all day with no pain what-so-ever.

"You play in in the bad games just like you do win your winning... Go Play!"

"Suck It Up" is what I told him when he said he wanted to go home.
"The game is almost over, we'll do better Monday baby.. hang in there."

"Suck It Up" is what I told him when I dropped him off at the end of the driveway when we got home and told him to bring the trash-cans down the long driveway to the house.

"It's amazing how your hand only hurts when you don't want to do something and it's fine when you are getting your way."

"Suck it Up" is what I told him 2 hours later in the ER when he couldn't pick out a cool color for his cast that was now on his Fractured Thumb!

"Suck It Up" is what I'm telling him today when he points out that if he would have been born to a Good Mother, she would have taken his pain a little more seriously.

... I suck.

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Ask Him How Much I Suck.

This is worker #3.
He is my honor student,
He is my city-boy,
He is my thinker,
reader,
question-asker,
worrier,
over-achiever.

He is 14 years old.
He is not into physical labor.
He is not the outdoorsy type.

So... This past Monday,
when he came down with a fever,
I thought it was the flu that was going around.

Early Tuesday morning when he woke me up to tell me he felt like he was gonna throw up,
I rolled over and told him to throw up and go back to bed, and he did.
I knew it was the flu.

Wednesday, when he told he his stomach hurt,
I thought it was sore muscles from throwing up the day before.
I called him a weenie,
His temperature was down,
and I told him he needed to get up and move to loosen up his tight and sore muscles,
So I made him empty the dishwasher...
I giggled when he did it sitting in a chair.

Thursday, after he insisted on going to school to take an important test,
I picked him up early and he complained that his stomach pain was now more localized to the lower right-hand quadrant of his abdomen,
I began to think it may be his appendix.

2 hours later. when we got to the Dr's office he couldn't stand up straight.
3 hours later when we got to the ER, I thought he was gonna pass out.
6 hours later, when we were in the bumpy Ambulance going to Texas Children's Hospital, His temperature hit 104.2.

Friday morning, he was in the OR getting is ruptured appendix taken out,
They worked on him for over 2 hours to try to clean the massive infection out of his abdomen.

Ask him how much his Mommy sucks!

He'll be easy to find for the next 10 days....
He'll still be in the hospital!

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Bad Mothers Anonymous UPDATE

WOW!
I just realized that the updating software for Bad Mothers Anonymous has been down for a few weeks! Uh Oh!

It has been updated with tons of new "confessions".
Come read, laugh, and share yours today!
www.BadMothersAnonymous.com

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Bad Mom Confession #637

As you know Worker #3 is on his first camping trip away from home/family.
They are wayyy out in the Texas dessert.
They are so far out that even the Scout leaders cell phones don't work.

Well... the boys were hiking to the top of a mountain last night, when they got there they realized that the phones worked, so the troop leaders let them call their parents.

My cell phone doesn't work in Man Town, so I have a little cheap Trac Phone here that does.
I listed it for an emergency contact number but Worker #3 does not know my Man-Town cell phone number.
His friends mom called me telling me that he was trying to get ahold of me, and gave me the troop leaders phone number.

I called and called... I guess they were out of range again because all I got was his voicemail.
I feel terrible!

Man.. How do you think he feels being the only kid who didn't get to talk to his parents?
Kinda like being the last one picked up at school... and THAT sucks!!
I can just imagine his disappointed little face....
He has never ever gone this long without talking to me... never ever....

I suck...

just another reason I'm the founding member of Bad Mothers Anonymous

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Another Bad Mother Moment...

Well.....
I told ya bout taking worker #1 to get his driving permit.

This is a very exciting and important time in a young mans life.
He plans for it.
He dreams about it.
It's his path to freedom.
It's their way to manhood. (or so they think)
He studied for his test.
He took countless online practice tests.
He was ready.
He was excited.
and....

Mom (aka ME) couldnt find his Social Security card. (I last used it to enroll him in school. I have every other childs card BUT worker #1's!!)
I went to the Social Security office. (the DPS said the paper from Social Security wouldn't do, they need the card.)
Filled out the paperwork...
and have to wait for it to come in the mail.
3-4 weeks.

I suck.

and yep.. of course you can find this confession and many others from myself and other brave brave moms at
http://www.BadMothersAnonymous.com/

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www.BadMothersAnonymous.com

Whoo Hooo!
our Bad Mothers Anonymous is now official!!!

Check us out on www.BadMothersAnonymous.com
Read our Bad Mother Confessions
Or... if you have the guts....
Feel free to add your own!!

C-Ya there!!

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Join BMA (Bad Mothers Anonymous) !!

Our club is growing!!
I'm in the process of launching the Official BMA web site!

Please feel free to drop in and add your own
BMA confessions...
or read some of ours ----> HERE

Remember.. there is no such thing as a "perfect" Mom!

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Monthly BMA Meeting (Bad Mothers Anonymous)

Poor Poor Worker #1

1.) I was out in the shed/barn with worker #1. I was annoyed with the amount of junk that just gets thrown in there. I found an old silver platter under the hay.... "Why do y'all just throw everything in here?!?!?" I yelled. I threw the platter out of the door.
Worker #1 turned around to see what I was yelling about....
Yep, you guessed it... the air caught the platter just right (think Frisbee) it whacked him right between the eyes... HARD!
He instantly fell to the ground like a sack of rocks.....
I could hardly run to check on the poor wounded child because I was laughing so hard.
(Don't worry... the bruising & swelling will go down in a day or two).


2.) Being the wonderful and kind mother that I am, I sent worker #1 a zip-lock baggie full of Jerky to eat after school. (he loves jerky) Only to realize , after he left, that I had mistaken the bag of Bacon treats for the dog for beef jerky. He ate em all! .... so, I didn't bother to tell him about the mix-up.

3.) Worker #1 was having trouble with his algebra homework. I decided I would help him. (dad was not home.. he is the math-helper)
I quickly realized what he was doing wrong and we spent the next hour changing every answer on his homework. I explained how to do the problems... we worked and worked at it until he understood the right way to do this type of problem....

When they graded the homework.. he missed every single question... The ones we erased.. were right the first time. oops! (I didn't know you could actually get a 20 on a paper!)

You can find the archives of other BMA confessions and meetings by clicking HERE

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BMA quote of the week

Keep in mind this event happened on a day that this particular 15 year old boy was acting like a 15 year old boy. ATTITUDE, Hormone-filled, awkward hairs popping out of his chin Ball of Yuckyness.

15 year old son says to mom.....

"Mom, why did you even have me? I didn't ASK to be born you know!"

The very wise and very beautiful mother quickly responds...

"Well... I didn't know it was going to be YOU!"

Not nice, and yes, I , oops I mean she would have chosen him.... I, er I mean she would have just chosen him without the attitude!

(don't worry.... he burst into laughter and had to admit that his mother is indeed the Queen of Smart-as-a-whip, lightening-fast, comebacks to snotty questions.)

I, darn it.. I mean SHE wins!

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Confession is good for the soul.....

wanna know another little BMA secret I told my oldest ones?

shhh dont tell anyone..

but I may have mentioned that I had a distant cousin who was allergic to marijuana...
he was a good kid...
but got caught up in the peer pressure thing..
tried it one time and dropped dead....
the poor guy didn't have a chance cause there was no way he could have known as there is no test....
you just drop dead your first try....
Oh and I may have mentioned that this particular allergy is hereditary.....


you just never know....

yep.. I am goin to Hell.

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Another Shining BMA moment.

OK… only one on this list today.
But it’s a bad one.
I am going straight to hell.
Sorry, but I can’t think of another way to say it.
I am a very very bad mother.

Worker #3 came to me this morning with a question.
Worker number three LOVES to try to stump you or make you uncomfortable with his questions…
This little snot is too smart for his own good.. but luckily for me, he is also kinda gullible.

“Mom” He said…
“Why should people not have sex before they are married?”

We have had this talk before because I do have 2 teenage boys in the house and one of worker #3’s classmates is pregnant this year (12 years old!!) …. I have explained our beliefs, What God says about it, the problems of teen parenthood, STD’s etc… I didn’t have the strength to go into it all again this morning….

So what did I say??

"No one should have sex before they are married because if you have sex before you are married you get “stuck” just like the dogs do. How would you explain that to your mother?!?!?" "Now go get your shoes on before you miss the bus!"

For the first time in his life Worker #3 walked away speechless

**sigh**

I suck

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I finished!!!!! BMA?? NOT Today!!!!!

Finally...
After many tears, bloody pin-stuck-fingers, ripping out of seams, pouts, tantrums, prayers & prodding from the Man-of-My-Dreams. Almost a month after I promised it for worker #3's birthday...

I finished his quilt!!
This quilt should have been the easiest quilt ever! (its nothing but 6" squares sewn together for cryin out loud!)
But if I could do something wrong making a quilt.. I did it on this one!
This one that has been my nemesis.
It should have gone together lickity-split and been over and done.
But it was plagued with problems.

You'll remember my boo boo with this one.... **sigh**
It was just one of those quilts that everything seemed to go wrong.
I'm not too crazy about the way it turned out.

But he slept with it last-night and loves it! whew!!




Now on to worker #4's quilt.....
it's gonna be a rag style quilt made from Fall flannels.
Maybe my luck will change...
Pray for me.... and the quilt.

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Monthly BMA (Bad-Mothers-Anonymous) Meeting.

My Name is Dana and I'm a Bad Mother.
I'd like to start this meeting by making a few confessions.

1. 1.) Worker #1 Loves to fish. (love is not a strong enough word, this kid would eat sleep and breathe fishing) For his 14th Birthday I told him we would plan a fishing trip to a catfish farm to go catch some really good catfish. I still have not taken him He turned 15 this past June. (but the really bad part is that Man-Of-My-Dreams & I have gone several times in the past month while the kids were in school)
   
   
2. 2.) Worker #3 told me this morning that he was staying after school today to listen to some audio tapes, I forgot to go get him. (don't worry, I remembered the poor thing when he failed to get off of the bus, 20 min late!)
   
   
3. 3.) After failing to finish worker #3's quilt in time for his birthday, then sewing it very wrong... I have yet to rip it apart and finish it.
   
   
4. 4.) The Little-Foreman-in-Pink wanted yet another piece of pumpkin pie today (this would be her third today!) I told her it was all gone.... an hour later.. I ate the last piece. (My BMAness is making me fatter by the day!! But...this was my first and only piece!)

Who's next?

confess or speak in the comment section... you'll feel better I promise! ;)

BMA's of the world UNITE!!

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Oops!

Just another reason I'm a founding member of the BMA's. **sigh**

As I told ya before, I had to finish

worker #3's birthday quilt.

I read about an easier way to put a quilt together.

I said to myself....

"Myself, Easier and faster?? This is for you!!"

Instead of messing with borders and binding, you just sandwich your top, batting, & backing together (kinda like in inside-out pillowcase) sew around three sides, then turn the whole thing right side out and POOF a beautiful quilt w/ no messed up boarders or binding!

I did IT! whoo hoo! It was indeed easier!

This is the way I'm gonna do all my quilts from now on!!!

Isn't it pretty???

Note to self....

next time,, You might wanna think a little bit more about the order you layer your pieces!!

In the words of Homer Simpson...

Doh!!!!

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B.M.A = Bad Mothers Anonymous

I searched and searched, High & Low.. But I couldn't find a website for BMA. So I am starting one here....... I'll start.... Feel free to join BMA in the comment section at the end of this post.

1. My Name is Dana..... And I'm a Bad mother. (1. Introduce yourself, you can use an alias if its too bad!)

2. I promised my son (aka worker #3) that I would finish his quilt for his 12th birthday. It didn't get finished. I'll have it done today... (one day too late!!) (2. confess your Bad-Motherness)

3. My Son (worker #4) lost a tooth yesterday... a BIG tooth... a MOLAR... He was all excited for the tooth fairy to leave him a surprise under his pillow in return for his Big Boy Tooth.... She fell asleep and forgot!!! He was crushed. (3. keep confessing... don't worry.. it's good for the soul!)

4. My daughter (aka the little foreman in pink) wants pancakes for breakfast this morning.... I decided I'm too busy cleaning the kitchen from last-nights birthday party to make pancakes... So she got plain old toast cut up w/ syrup They are NOW called "Mommy's Special Pancakes"! (4. confess it ALL no matter HOW bad it is....!)

5. For his birthday yesterday one of the things worker #3 wanted for dinner was a salad from the Olive Garden. The Olive Garden sent 5 Andee's chocolate mints with the salad..... I ate them ALL! (I'm a BMA and getting Fatter because of it!!) (wow! I suck!)

Anybody else?
(Please let me know I am not the only Bad Mom out there!!)
The first step is admitting you have a problem....
Admit it right here, right now in the comment section at the bottom of this post.
BMA's UNITE!!! We CAN Overcome!

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