In the last 24 hrs...

I have heard...

1. The washing machine is finally fixed! No more Laundry Mat!
2. The propane just ran out! No Dryer.. or hot water, and it's the week-end.
3. Where's mommy?
4. The cows are out.
   
5. I don't like pork chops.
6. You still owe me $10 mom.
7. No, I wasn't sneaking a cigarette behind the house! I don't know why I smell like smoke again.
8. I'm late for football practice.
9. The cows are out.
   
10. You forgot to buy me colored printer paper for school.
11. Where's Mommy?
12. We're out of bread.
13. I'm hungry.
14. Whats for dinner?
15. But, It's MY TURN!
16. But, I had it FIRST!
17. He hit me!
18. I don't like my eggs cooked this way.
19. The cows are out.
20. There is a spider in my bed!
21. She won't stay out of my room!
22. The brakes on the truck are shot.
23. The cows ate the water hose again.
24. I smell something disgusting.
25. We are out of milk.
26. I didn't touch it.
27. Where is mommy?
28. Can I come?
29. The lawn mower deck broke.
30. The cows are out.
31. I need gas money.
32. I'm late fore church.
33. I have a baseball scrimmage tonight.
34. I can't find my glove.
35. Oops!
36. I'm not lying!
37. I'm hungry.
38. I'm thirsty.
39. We never go anywhere.
40. Can't we ever just stay home?
41. It's hot.
42. Ewwwwh! He farted in my room!
43. I didn't hit him THAT hard!
44. Attention Wal-Mart shoppers.
45. You forgot Miracle Whip!
46. I didn't mean to break it.
47. The cows are out.
48. I DID rinse off the dishes!
49. The dog just puked on the floor.
50. Who ate my crayons?
51. Where's mommy?

Hows your week-end going?

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I guess I'll never learn...

The Man-of-My-Dreams has started his long journey from Kazakhstan back home to my arms.
I am happy.
I am excited.
I am giddy.
I am thrilled.
I am PANICKED!

yes... I said panicked.

You see, as I sit here writing on the eve of his arrival, I realize I am, at this very moment, doing the exact same thing I did for years every day at 3:00pm as a teenager.

My mother was a nurse.
She worked the 7am-3pm shift at the hospital. I was a teenager, it was summer, and I was at home.
Before she left for work each morning, she would tell me what she needed me to do.
Wash the dishes, fold the laundry, clean the kitchen, etc etc etc...

When I got up, I planned my day.
I knew it would be best to get the work done and out of the way first thing.
I was gonna do the work first thing so I didn't have to worry about it.
I really was!
I had the best of intentions.

But... Every single afternoon, I found myself freaking out and rushing around like a mad person 30 min before my mother was to arrive home, tired from working all day, trying to make the house look like I had done a ton of work while she was gone.

I am the queen of good intentions,
I am the queen of procrastination.
*sigh*

My house is a mess.
Things are nowhere near being in order.
Yes, I do have good reasons for this,

A new teenager moved in, I started a new business, critters needed tending to, 2 teenagers who were gone for the summer moved back home, 4 different meet the teacher nights, rooms have been changing around, everything in the house has been shifted, 6 kids started school, 2 kids started football, schedules changed, needless to say, it has been a tad crazy and stressful to handle solo.

I still have the best of intentions.
I still really mean to stay on top of the housework.
I'm really gonna get it done before it gets bad.
I really do...
But it never happens.

I start.
I make lists.
I prioritize,
I dive in....

I start going through piles, emptying shelves, throwing things away...
Then I turn around.
I see how much there is to do.
It seems insurmountable...
I get overwhelmed.
S0 I make a list, I break tasks into little pieces so they don't look so big... I end up spending hours on the list.... and getting overwhelmed at how long it is.

and....

I quit.

Well... I don't really quit.
I stuff.
I fill totes.
I fill boxes.
I throw things in the attic.
I do anything I can to make it go away...
to make it look better...

But it's never really "done"
It's a charade.
It's a lie.

I am no longer a teenager.
I am 38 years old.
I am too old for this crap!
I should have things in order.
I should be able to stay on top of things.
I should not be so easily overwhelmed.
I should be able to handle this!
I should not be such a housekeeping failure.

But I am.
And I don't know what do to.

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It's that time again.

I haven't been writing much this week because this has been me!
YAY!!!


Thats right! all 6 kids start school tomorrow!!!!
I'll be back. :)

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Frazzled.

Hi, My name is Dana...
And I am FRAZZLED.
I've been kinda burning the candle at both ends.
And, at the moment, I feel like I am hanging on by a thread.
I decided It was high time to get myself organized and make a "To Do" list.

I thought it would help things seem a little less overwhelming.
I thought it might calm me a little bit.
I thought it would help me see that things aren't really as crazy right now as I thought they were.

here is the list of things that need finished today.

1.) Empty dishwasher.

2.) Make breakfast for the kids.

3.) Finish re-arranging the kids bedrooms and making room for our new 17 yr old girl to move in.

4.) Take 17 yr old for his football physical.

5.) Call and make a neurologist appointment for 18 yr old with a torn disk in his back (and try to stop worrying about his back)

6.) Call and make dentist appointments for 6 yr old who has 3 cavities!

7.) Call and make a eye Dr appt for 14 yr old who "lost" his glasses.

8.) Take 11 yr old to the Dr to find out why the ear infection from hell isn't gone yet.

9.) Defrost and clean out freezer to make room for the pork that needs picked up from the butcher.

10.) Go to the laundry mat and wash 73 loads of dirty clothes (because Yes... they sent me the wrong part for my broken washing machine, for the third time!)

11.) Call my lawyer and confirm my court date.

12.) Buy school supplies for 6 kids that start school in one week.

13.) Football practice.

14.) Attend meeting to get information about select baseball league.

15.) Make final decision on the logo for my new business.

16.) Get a DBA.

17.) Go get a Tax ID.

18.) Try to find someone who can come out and fix my broken oven.

19.) Change the water filters so the water doesn't smell like rotten eggs.

20.) Get the oil changed in the truck.

21.) Pick up the pontoon boat from the repair shop.

22.) Clean up this house before I lose a kid in here!

23.) Meet the teacher night at 6 yr old's school.

24.) Attend "Fish Camp" at the high school for the 14 yr old.

25.) Make dinner.

26.) BURN THIS LIST and come up with something else to make me feel a little less frazzled.

Ummm... yeah.... I feel better!

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Panic! (Sunday Evening Haiku)

Panic.

Six Kids Starting School
Just seven short days away
Not one thing bought yet

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Back Soon

I'll be right back...
I've gone to find myself...
If I should return before I get back,
Please tell myself to wait for me.

Thank You!

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Win a Lean Beef Prize Pack!!

I'm Loving working with lean beef in my recipes!
I want you to love cooking lean beef too!
So... I'm giving away a Lean Beef Prize Pack to one of my readers!

Lean Beef Prize Pack includes...
1 I Heart Lean Beef Apron
1 Insulated I heart Lean Beef shopping Bag
1 Lean Beef Wallet Card
1 $100 dollar Visa Gift Card to help you buy all the BEEF!

Click HERE to Enter!

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Confession is Good for the Soul.... (re-do)

Do you wanna know another little Bad Mothers Anonymous secret I told my oldest ones?

shhh dont tell anyone..
but I may have mentioned that I had a distant cousin who was allergic to marijuana...

he was a good kid...
but got caught up in the peer pressure thing..

tried it one time and dropped dead....
the poor guy didn't have a chance cause there was no way he could have known as there is no test....
you just drop dead your first try....

Oh and I may have mentioned that this particular allergy is hereditary.....

you just never know....
yep.. I am goin to Hell.

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Why?

As a Mother, I find my self asking "Why" a lot...
a REALLY Lot!

For instance....

1.) Why does my teenage boys bedroom smell like egg salad?

2.) Why does the Little-Foreman-in-Pink think it's a super-duper-cool trick to lick her arm-pit.

2.5.) Why would she ever try to do it in the first place?

3.) Why are farts so funny? (seriously! out of all the bodily functions to find hilarious, why is it the fart? Why don't they burst into laughter when someone sneezes,or snarf milk out of their noses when someone coughs?? why the fart??? huh?? WHY???)

4.) Why did it take me over an hour and the use of a metal putty knife to remove cement-like dried boogers off of their bedroom wall before I could paint it?

5.) Skid Marks... WHY? ...enough said.

6.) Why does Brutus the English Bulldog sleep in this disturbing pose? (that Can't be comfortable!)

7.) Why did I just find 14 shriveled up and dried pepperoni under the stove? (pepperoni? Pepperonies?)

8.) Why do the same boys who, when they were 4, loathed nap-time now want to sleep all day that they are teens?

9.) Why can they remember that time in 2001 when I accidentally may or may not have forgotten to pick them up from school on time, But cannot remember that I told them to take out the trash 72 times??

10.) Why has one bottle of shampoo lasted for over 6 months in a bathroom shared by 4 boys?

Why?

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It's what's For Dinner!

At our house, we eat a lot of lean beef.
We live in Texas for cryin out loud!
I live with 5 men!
Needless to say, Beef is a major part of my menu planning.

I've recently been made aware of a really great tool for people who are looking for great ideas and recipes including lean beef.

Keep reading on My Recipe Site!

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Mamma's Tunes... FINALLY!

For so long, I've been driving kids around and in the process I end up listening to what they want to listen to.
On more than one occasion, I've found myself driving around with no children in the car with some nursery-rhyme CD still playing on the radio!
Keep Reading and see the Video!

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Narcissistic

All bloggers are just a tad narcissistic, I know this, if we weren't we wouldn't broadcast our lives and stories and pictures out there for anyone to read.

But a little narcissism is not a bad thing...
It is what makes you smile for the camera...
It helps motivate you to be competitive and successful in your career...
It is what drives you to look good, smell good, and act appropriately...

But...
I am not a good narcissist.
Yes, while I blog and tweet every detail of my day and am happy when people read is and even happier when they talk to me about it, the majority of my posts and tweets are actually talking about what a screw-up I am.

I have a hard time telling people what is good about me.
I become very uncomfortable when I'm being interviewed and the questions turn towards me instead of my blog, or family, or farm etc...

I feel like some impostor when they talk about me and or my accomplishments.
I get sweaty palms and wonder how long it will take them to realize I am a complete and total fraud, not interesting to talk to, know NOTHING and escort me off of the property.

I get e-mails from people asking me...
"How do you DO it ALL?"
... ummmm do they READ this blog?

I do NOT do it all!
I suck at doing it all!
I'm happy if I remember to brush my teeth in the morning!

My house is never all the way clean (unless the Man-of-My-Dreams is home and cleans it).
The laundry is NEVER finished.

I don't do it all!
Well.. let me correct that...
I START it all...
But I finish, NOTHING!

This week, I had to take a break from being a bad narcissist and actually "sell" myself.
I was informed that I needed a "hub" and a bio online so my new clients and sponsors could get to know me and see what I had to offer.

UGH!
I called my sister and begged her to write it.
She informed me that she was an editor NOT a writer and she would gladly edit it for me, but that was it.

I ended up piecing different bios about me together to form something that didn't make me want to puke up my toenails more than 23 times.

Basically a hub/Bio is nothing but a bunch of...

"I'm awesome!"
"You should want to work with me!"
"I'm great!"
"I've done this..."
"and THIS..."
"and THIS too!"
"I ROCK!"

. . . puke!

I'm happily going back to my comfort zone of laughing at my many MANY inadequacies.

if you'd like to be sick of me too, I'm not sure why you aren't already!

You can check out my hub at www.DanaClover.com
Get a barf-bag ready!
Don't say you weren't warned!

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Disturbing

Who sleeps like this?

Brutus sleeps like this...

It scares me...

That is all.

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OnStar to the Rescue!

Yesterday I took my Grandmother out to lunch for her birthday.
My grandmother does NOT live way out in the sticks like I do, she has every kind of restaurant you could ever dream of within 5 miles of her house!
I wanted to take her somewhere she has never been before…
Keep reading and watch the videos!

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Tuesday's Randomness X10

1. Went to court today.
I started out really nervous...
then got really mad when he didn't show up...
then was relieved to find out his lawyer filed an answer...
we go back next month.

2. Took my Grandmother out to lunch for her birthday....
Her birthday was a month ago... I kind of suck like that.

3. I ate a roll at lunch! a yummy roll! with olive oil and garlic dipping sauce!!
This is a big deal because I haven't been able to eat a roll since Oct 20th of last year (my lap band does NOT like bread!)

4. I got entirely too flattered and excited when the toothless man on the street corner told me I had "Nice Tits".

5. I was so thrilled with myself for having "Nice Tits" that I went to Starbucks for a Tall Raspberry Mocha Frappachino. YUM!

6. Brutus the English Bulldog is deathly afraid of an 8 inch tall plastic dinosaur.

7. He has spent the last 25min hiding under the coffee table watching it.... just in case it tries something sinister.

8. My 6 yr old daughter wants to remove all the posters of puppies, kittens, and ponies from her room and replace them with pictures of Alligators.

9. My washing machine is still broken, my oven is still broken, but I have water!!

10. I, for the first time in my life have used the word "tits" on my blog! sorry.
I've blogged a TMI blog post about "the girls" before....
But I really dislike the word "Tit's"
Man! I just did it again! Sorry!

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Paranoid?

I am beginning to feel a little bit paranoid.
I'm not usually a paranoid person who is convinced that everyone and everything is out to get her.
But it seems...
They ARE!

Here, I'll show ya!

Exhibit A.
It was a normal Thursday evening.
I was making Chicken-Fried Steak.. (yum!)
I make so many that they have to be cooked in batches.
I stick them in a warm oven to keep warm and crispy while I finish the rest.
Nothing out of the ordinary with that.

I had the oven set at 170 F degrees.
The next thing I know, the house fills with smoke.
I opened the oven and found the once-juicy steaks black and dry!
The oven thermometer read 580 degrees!!
BOTH heating elements were glowing bright red.

I turned off the oven, but it didn't stop heating!
The only way to stop the darn thing was to shut off the power at the breaker outside.

Now... I have to turn on my oven at the breaker to use the stove-top and the crazy-possessed thing heats up and threatens to burn down the house every time I do!

Exhibit B
My dishwasher has decided to scare my dogs.
You turn the thing on and it makes a horrible buzzing and grinding noise, accompanied by a lovely smell of burning plastic.

So... looks like we'll be washing dishes by hand for awhile.

Except....

Exhibit C

We went to the lake this weekend.
It was a wonderful relaxing weekend.
We got to spend some quality time with my mother, it was great.
I didn't worry about my possessed kitchen appliances one time!

By the time we got home, we were tired, sticky and smelly.
All I wanted was to hop into the shower and wash off the lake funk and sweat.
All the kids wanted to do was race to the bathroom.

Guess who's water well pump went out while we were gone?
No water for us!
Ugh!

And... I'm not even gonna talk about my uber-expensive washing machine that broke almost a month ago, and the service center that has sent me the wrong part TWICE!

Exhibit D

NONE of these things can happen when the Man-of-My-Dreams is in the same country as me!!

So, let me recap...
Possessed-trying-to-burn-the-house-down stove + growling-plastic-burning-dishwasher + NO WATER = They ARE out to get me!!!

... and just in case you're wondering...
I do still stink!
Every dish, cup, spoon, and fork in my house is dirty!
My back hurts from hauling Pond water to use to flush the toilets!
And Mt Laundry could collapse at any moment!
Happy Monday!

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