Hairs!! (rant of the day)

OK... y'all are my buddies right?
My new BFF's?
We can share our deepest darkest secrets right?
You won't tell if I tell you something kinda embarrassing right?
Ok, good! I thought so.

So, whats up with these 3 rogue hairs that have decided to sprout under my chin?

There were no hairs there when I was 35 years old.
Now that I'm 36 POOF there they are!
They are thick.
They are dark.
They are rooted all the way into the back of my head.

They seem to be magical hairs!
I look in the mirror when I am getting ready in the morning and there are no stray, ugly, old-woman hairs to be found.
I hop into the car on my way somewhere and happen to glance into the rear-view mirror and they are there standing at attention , waving for all the world to see!

I just don't get it.
As men age, they lose their hair...
As women age we get more?
In places that they DO NOT belong?
Whats Up With That?!?!?


Don't I have enough problems already?!?

Stretch marks from birthin all them babies?
Sagging un-perky boobs from nursin all those babies?
Gray hairs popping up from all those babies turning into teenagers?
Wrinkles forming on my forehead from worrying bout those teenagers?

Seriously.... Isn't that enough?

well?? Isn't it?!?!?!?

Ok.. I feel better now...
How bout you?

Edited to add...
Well well well lookie there!
23 more days till my lil ol' blogs 1st anniversary!
shhhhh.. don't tell anyone.... but an anniversary give-a-way sounds like a great idea to me!
Stay tuned for details......

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I should've known. (rant of the day)

I am trying to be a "Good-Girl" and stick to my diet and exercise routine.
So, I figured it would be smart to have something in the house that I could grab if and when a sweet craving hits me.
I found some fat-free & sugar-free Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream at the store.
The picture looked dreamily creamy and decedent.

It did cost way more than the good old sugar and fat filled version, but hey! We must pay for the chance to have a creamy sweet treat and not suffer the consequences right?

I ate my sensible lunch.
Battled with the evil treadmill.
Then decided to reward myself with a little scoop of ice cream.
I opened the lid.
It smelled good!
It looked good!
I was excited!
I went to the bedroom and locked myself inside so I could enjoy it all by myself....
Took a nice spoonful making sure I had the perfect bite with an even distribution of fudge and brownie... then I tasted it.

Remember when you were about 5 years old and you made mud pies in the yard?
Yeah... It kinda tasted like that.
It even had the grainy texture of a mud pie!!

Don't they do consumer test panels for these products?
I mean there is no way on Earth that a room full of people could have possibly checked the little box on their blind taste test clip-board that said "Yummy"!

We can put a man on the moon.
We can run a car on used Veg oil.
We can transplant a heart.
We can call Aunt Gertrude in Zimbabwe.
Heck! We even have a little blue pill that makes our men do... well... what men want to do!!
But I can't have ice cream that doesn't make my butt fatter and actually taste good at the same time??

Back to the stupid treadmill...
(grumble grumble)

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Thongs. (rant of the day)

Am I the last person on Earth who doesn't wear these?
I tried em, and found them uncomfortable.
I suppose that the fact my Butt is larger than most may have something to do with it.

But what I don't get is I thought thongs were originally made to eliminate the dreaded pantie-line.
If that is the case... why Oh Dear Lord WHY do people wear them so they can bee seen sticking out of the top of their pants?
Is this supposed to be sexy?
Is a bright pink thong popping out of the top of your jeans a "pretty" thing?

It says "LOOK! I'm Wearing a Thong!!"
How is this different than seeing pantie-lines and showing people you have on panties?!?!?
One is good.. one is Bad...
Why?

ok.. back to our regularly scheduled dribble.

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Who Are They?

Have I mentioned lately how much I miss my little boys?
My sweet, loving, huggable, innocent little boys.

They have been replaced by TEENAGERS!

That's right...
Big, Smelly, Awkward-Hairs-Popping-Out-Of-Their-Chins, Hormones Raging, Moody, Cranky, Attitude-Filled, Hair and Clothes Obsessed, Too Much Cologne Wearing, Texting on Their Cell Phones, Know-it-All, Complaining, Competing, Checking Out the "Hot" Girls, Must Have the Cool Shoes, Flexing in the Mirror, Eye Rolling, Too Loud Music Playing, Wanting to Drive the Car, All Knowing, It's not Cool to Hug Your Mom in Front of Others, Privacy Wanting, Smelly Feet, I-Pod Listening, Balls of Yuckyness. (whew!)

I'm not exactly sure when it started because it seems like just last week they were perfectly content to curl up in my lap, and give me a big ole hug.

Now, don't get me wrong.. they are good kids...
But Man....
I miss my babies!

They do outgrow this yucky phase don't they?
Please tell me they do.....

Or send me cheesecake.
I may need it to get through all of them!!

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To My Short People,

You are right. It is not fair.
As a matter of fact, I never promised you that your life would be fair. You really should get used to it now.. Life is NOT fair. The sooner you learn to accept this fact, the better off you'll be. Now that you know this you can refrain from informing me ten-thousand times a day that It's not fair. Guess what??!? I KNOW!!!

Oh and by the way...

I really don't care if you were sitting there first. Seriously, does it really matter? Each of the cushions on the couch face the same place, what does it matter which one you sit on? Is this really something worth fighting over? I think not.. and I really don't care!

Yes.. as a matter of fact, he IS allowed to look at you!

Oh and are you on fire? Is there water flooding the house? Is a stranger after you? Are you bleeding profusely? No? Then DO NOT SCREAM!

I am very happy he farted, thank you for pointing it out to me.

Now means now. Not in a minute, Not in a little bit, Not when your ready, Not when you think it's time, Not during a commercial, Not when you feel like it... it means NOW!

I know for a fact you see that piece of trash on the floor. Even though you pretend not to see it and walk around it every time you pass through the room in hopes someone else will bend over and pick it up. You know you see it, I know you see it. PICK IT UP!!!

SHUT THE DOOR.

It's your turn? Really? Would you like a cookie? Get over it and stop telling me it's your turn... I don't really care!

I am in the bathroom, I did not run away... I promise I will come out as soon as I am done, do you really have to come looking for me every time I disappear into that little room? There is no exit from it, have faith, I will be out soon, so Go Away and leave me alone to do what one does in the bathroom.... all will be well with the world once more as soon as I am finished, I promise.

It's called a phone. I am allowed to talk on it for 5 min without being interrupted. Really.. it's OK.

I love you.

Mom

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I'm Borrrrrred (Rant of the Day)

With 5 young-in's running around the place, this is a phrase I hear more often that I'd like.
Well I used to anyway, until I found the magic cure for childhood boredom!!
Yes-sir-ee Bob!!
(who is this Bob anyway? My pesky kids have asked... I never gave it a thought till then) , That's what I said... the CURE for childhood boredom!!

Wanna know the secret?
It's...
It's......

WORK!

I, like countless other mom's got fed up with the chorus of "I'm Bored's" coming from her kids mouth. I mean we have a farm for cryin out loud! There is LOTS to do!
Go fishing
Go play with the chickens!
Go ride the 4-wheeler.
Go exploring the woods.
Take a walk.
Play on the dirt mountain.
Go play with the pile of wood and nails.

But I's still hear... I'm Borrrrrred Mom, there is nothing to do... ***sigh**
grrrrrr

so I came up with a plan...
I'm bored chores.

This is how it works,

A kid comes to me and says "I'm Bored"
I say... "Are you sure your bored?"
They say "Yes, there is nothing to dooooooo."

I whip out my trusty I'm Bored Chores List

It looks something like this.

1.) weed the tomato bed.
2.) Pick up dog-doo piles in the Great Dane pen.
3.) clean all the windows.
4.) dust all the ceiling fans.
5.) Scrape chicken poo off the nest boxes in the hen house.
6.) collect cow poo for the compost pile.
7.) walk around the property and pick things up till this garbage bag is full.
8.) collect sticks for the fire pit.
9.) chop some wood for the smoker.
10.) bathe the Great Danes.

I get to choose which jobs the bored-to-death child gets to do.
Amazingly enough they now never say they are bored.
works like a charm!
Try it!! You'll be glad you did!
A little work won't hurt em anyway!

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I'm Just Sayin... (rant of the day)

Ok.... the time has come for me to address this growing epidemic.
When did "I'm just sayin" , followed by a long pause/silence, become the way to make everything that you shouldn't say or isn't nice to say OK to say?

examples...

I'm not tattling on Him for breaking the window.
I'm just sayin....
You might wanna change those pants... I'm not saying you look fat in them. I'm just sayin.....
I'm not sayin your kids are the worst kids in the world... I'm just sayin...
I'm not saying I haven't seen uglier girls. I'm just sayin...
I'm not saying it's inedible. I'm just sayin...
I'm not saying I hate him. I'm just sayin...
I'm not saying I'm better than you are. I'm just sayin...

I have been forced into the position of "pop culture expert" because I am forced to live with teenagers. Thus I notice these trends when they appear.

This one bothers me even more than the ever hated "snap" that was said after everything a few years back (that is a whole other rant for another day.. snap.. how stupid was that?!?!?)

Or the "Right?" that so many people say after every sentence that comes out of their mouths. Kinda like they are trying to convert you to their way of thinking.... and make sure everyone in the room agrees with whatever they say. "Right???"

I guess the reason it rubs me the wrong way is because people seem to use this term to excuse mean or rude behavior.
When did being rude or nasty become ok?
Do we really need a cutsie catch-phrase to make it easier for people to put other people down?
Don't most people do it ok now? Why make it easier?!?

I just don't get it.

I'm not saying there aren't worse things that people could say... I'm just sayin.....

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I get no respect!

I just told you how excited I was about the Bovine love happinin round here.

I thought they were my buddies.

I thought they were my new BFF's.

I thought our relationship was based on mutual love and respect (and sweet potatoes)

Today I went out to commune with my new friends.

I turned my back for one second. Turned back around quickly and they were doing this!!!

No respect!! I am crushed.... Do you think they may just be using me for food?

Do you think they really dont love me after all??

**sniff** **sniff**

Now I have to rethink our whole relationship.

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I don't trust em! (Rant of the Day)

1.) Beautiful skinny new moms.
You know who I'm talking about. They are the drop dead stinking gorgeous women who wear a size two as they leave the hospital with their newborn baby.

They live with a newborn and have glowing skin. No dark circles under their eyes, hair neat as a pin, full make-up, unstained clothes.....

I just don't get it! I am still carrying baby weight from my first born son!! (he's 15 for crying out loud!!!) I still have circles under my eyes from lack of sleep!

Kudos to them.... But.... I don't trust em... I am convinced they are aliens... or communists.... or just plain ol evil.....
(if you are one of those crazy-lucky women... don't take it personally... But I don't trust you!)

2.) The White Sock Council .... remember why? White Socks!!!! (Rant-Of-The-Day)

3.) Skinny Cooks. OK well.. skinny GOOD cooks. I consider myself a good cook, and I think my size is a testament to that. I am a good cook.. therefore I eat more than you.. therefore I am fatter than you. But Hey!! I am a GREAT cook!! (yeah.. like that makes it better.... **sigh**)

4.) The people who decided to package everything in that thick molded plastic that is sealed all around the edges (think batteries, any child's toy etc..) that makes it crazy hard to open! I'm telling you! I have almost cut my hand off more than once trying to get into this adult-proof packaging with a kitchen knife. I know they do it just to bug me!!

5.) The companies or stores who put sticker and/or labels smack dab in the middle of their products. You know.. those labels that you can NEVER EVER get off in one piece? If you do manage to get the sticker off it leave perma-stickiness on the thing it was on? WHY don't they just put them on the bottom where it doesn't matter? huh? why??


to be continued...

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Oh The Joys of Parenting Teens... or NOT! (rant of the day)

ok.. you know by now that I can be a little bit of a smart-alic.
I have been known to be a smart-mouth.
I have been known to be a little bit of a prankster.
Even a jokester every now and then.

It would only be natural for some of these qualities to rub off on some of the short people around here.

But someone needs to teach them the difference between funny and just mean!

As I told you about in my (Journey to Frugality post) I am trying really hard to spend way less.

I planned my whole weeks dinners & shopping to include some of the short peoples favorite foods and cheap meals. (this week I tried to feed us on $30)

tonight I made a HUGE pot of Baked Beans with hot dogs cut up in them & a green salad.

Well.... I always doctor the beans up good... brown sugar...molasses.... salsa... onions... etc...

I asked my 15 yr old son (worker #2) to go get me one of the jars of mild homemade salsa. he went out and got one, I dumped it into the pot and as I cooked it, I kept tasting it ... It was hot... it was VERY hot... almost too hot for me to taste! My lips were on fire.....

I looked at the jar.... the sticker was missing.... I always label the salsa.... I looked in the trash can and found the label.... "Dana's Bottled Hell". That's super-hot salsa that I make for the Man-of-My-Dreams and his friends.

I asked Son #2 about it.. and he did it on purpose. Thought it would be funny.

I can't serve it to the Little Foreman-in-Pink. I can't serve it to workers 3 & 4. Even worker #1 who loves all things hot wouldn't eat it because it was too hot!

The huge pot of food was ruined!

Now, I would have not gotten angry if it had been an accident.... Accidents happen. BUT when he tells you he did it on purpose and even went so far as to hide the label that he scratched off..... that's a little less innocent.

Worker #2 did eat some and of course, said it wasn't THAT hot.
I'm thinking that son #2 will be eating super-hot beans & hot dogs for every single meal (including breakfast) until they are gone.

Note to novice pranksters...... sometimes your prank will not go as planned.... ..... an "I'm sorry" will work wonders too. (no-one told worker #2 this fact)

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Sorry y'all... But I must ask this question.....

Why are Farts so funny?

Please forgive me....
Blame it on the NyQuil and other cold medicines.
Blame it on the fact I am sick and have 6 short people here (three of them are 15 year old young-men-folk)
Blame it on the fact that these same short people are now on their Holiday break from school and there is NO hope of them leaving anytime soon.
Blame it on the fact that The Man-of-My-Dreams is still working out of town and I am left to deal with all of this alone!

I have been sitting here, well laying here, watching and listening to 5 boys play Guitar Hero and Sing Star on TV (my ears may never be the same)
They are having a blast and I am getting quite a few giggles in between the sneezing, coughing up a lung, NyQuil guzzling, moments.
Then IT happened.

One of them had to ... um.... pass gas, do a pop-pop (as the super-cute Little-Foreman-in-Pink calls it)

For a moment, the world stopped.....
Then they all died laughing....
The next thing I know the fart (I hate that word) stories began....
And of course the farting competition wasn't far behind.

They even brought up that one time when I may or may not have been guilty of a pop-pop in 2001!!! The little traitors!

I quickly reminded than that I DO NOT fart!
Of course, Super-Smart, Super-Smug, Worker #3 quickly explained that he looked it up and found out that a healthy man farts approx 9 times a day.... and a healthy woman farts... 11 times a day!!
(He actually took the time to look this up and stored it away in his data bank for this type of moment!!!... he just LOVES to prove you wrong..... and Super-Loves it when these little tid-bits can be recalled & used to make someone uncomfortable.)

I was not amused.
I cried a little bit when they all chimed in and told me that they did in-fact hear that one time in 2001 I did accidentally fart.
Poor Poor Dana.

Why are farts so funny?
everyone farts, I know... But everybody sneezes too! Why doesn't a sneeze make short people collapse in laughter?
Why aren't there coughing competitions?
Why is it a fart?
Who made these rules??

Why do men-folk and short people find this topic so great?!?!?
This topic is in my life ever day ! I mean every single day of my life I hear some fart story.
Every stinkin Day!!!!


Someone please explain this to me.....
And.. someone please send me a gas mask!

time for more NyQuil... I love NyQuil......

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Men & Meat, Meat & Men.

Man of My Dreams calls me
(he's coming home tonight after working all week out of state).

"Baby" he says.....
"I know what I want for dinner tonight."

"What do you want Darling?" I sweetly reply.

"I want a Big Ole pot of Butter Beans with smoked sausage."

"That sounds great Honey! I'll have em ready for you when you get home."

"And..." he says, "I want a big skillet of that fried cabbage you make full of bacon."

"OK" I said. "Butter-beans and sausage tonight, and fried cabbage with bacon tomorrow night?" (he'll be home for three dinners.)

"No.... I want em for one meal.... all tonight. I have a craving."

"OK Honey... I'll make both."
(but that's two meats...thinking to self)

"Oooh and How bout some Hamburger patties? I'd love some Hamburger patties, a BIG Pot of Butter Beans with Sausage, and a skillet full of fried cabbage and bacon, That sounds great for dinner tonight. I'll Be in around 8pm."

"But Darling? Didn't you say that man was going to bring over the brisket you bought from the fund raiser today? Why don't we just eat that with the Butter Beans and sausage tonight, and have hamburger patties and fried cabbage full of bacon tomorrow night?"

"You don't want to make me butter beans AND Fried cabbage full of bacon tonight? Even though I have been craving it all week?"

"Well of course Dear..... I'll make them if that's what you really want. But I was just thinking it could easily be at least two meals worth of food especially when you throw in a smoked brisket and hamburger patties."

"It's what I'm craving.... **dramatic sigh** But if you don't want to make it, I guess I'll just suck it up and deal with it."

(It was at this point in the conversation that I felt my right eye Begin to twitch, it's never good when my right eye starts to twitch.)

There comes a time in any marriage when you have to ask yourself....
Is this really something I feel like fighting over?
Is this really something worth a loooong drawn out "debate" over?

Usually, when picking your battles wisely, you come to the conclusion that No... it is not.
But there is another very important factor in this meal....

Not only will this meal contain no less than 4 meats that could each hold their own full meal...
BUT
Big pot of butter beans = lots of flatulence from 5 men in the house.
Skillet of fried Cabbage = Lots of flatulence from 5 men in the house.

I have decided that this is not worthy of fighting with The Man of My Dreams and making him question my undying love for him....
(rolling eyes)

BUT
considering the last flatulence fact about this meal...
I may be forced to MOVE OUT over this meal.
(or find a few good gas masks for the Little Foreman-in-Pink and myself)

So I am cooking today...
I am cooking a BIG pot of Butter-Beans filled with smoked sausage.
I am cooking a big skillet of fried cabbage full of Bacon.
I am warming a smoked brisket.

And I am cooking hamburger patties. (tomorrow night HA!)

Pray for me......
Please...
And maybe send me the name of a good cardiologist in my area?
We will need it after this meal!

And please make note....
I LOVE HIM MORE!!!!!!
(and yes, this is an ongoing debate in our house)

I win. ;)

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White Socks!!!! (Rant-Of-The-Day)

OK.... is it only me?
Please tell me it is NOT only me!

I have 5 men/boys living in this house.
Each of those men/boys has two feet.
Each of those feet wear some sort of white sock. (well, they start out white, but that's a whole another rant for another day)
Each man/boy gets 12 pairs of white socks 2 times a year = 240 white socks a year.
There are always some left over from the year before that are still good = 300 white socks.

I always try to buy the same brand of socks so they are easier to match.

Man-of-My-Dreams = Long socks
Worker #1 = kinda short socks, just over the ankle.
Worker #2 = VERY short-so-you-can't-see-em-above-his-shoes socks.
Worker #3 = mid way between the ankle & knee shocks.
Worker #4= doesn't care either way, but most are kinda short.

So, we have approximately 300 white socks for the men-folk of the house.
WHY is it, that I am sitting here after finishing folding and matching socks and I have 23 mismatched white socks?!?!?!?

Seriously... 23!!!
Not one of them is like another one anywhere in the whole stinking pile!!
How many ways are there to make white socks for men/boys?!?!?
They are white socks for cryin out loud!!!
SOCKS!!!!

There should be some council somewhere that regulates the making of white socks.
There should be a few different lengths/styles that come in various sizes.

But 23 totally different white socks???
How is this possible???

Can someone please explain to me why on earth there are so many types of white socks??
Is this a serious need?

Is there some high priced white sock engineer sitting in an office somewhere in front of his drawing board who seriously thinks.. "Hey! The buying public just doesn't have enough styles of white socks to choose from to cover their poor feet. I think I'll design a brand new type of white sock!"???

If there IS indeed a White Sock Council what is their address???
I would LOVE to write them a letter!


ok... I feel better now, Thank you for listening.

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It's been 14 years!!!!!!! (rant of the day)

Please Keep In Mind...

I Love my children.....
I really do... No.. really... I DO love my children.

But sometimes there are days when you just wanna SCREAM!!!!!!

AAAAAAAHHHHHHH! (kinda like that)

ok, now that I have that out of the way...

Did you know it has been 14 years since I went to the bathroom by myself?

Seriously .... 14 years!!

14 loooong years!

My oldest is 15 years old... So I figure when he was a newborn and small enough for me to strap into some type of baby-restraining-device (swing, car seat, bouncer, 4-point restraints, etc...) takes off about 1 year... after doing the math... yep..... it's FOURTEEN stinking years since I went to the bathroom by myself!!!

This morning was a beautiful morning...

It was quiet....

The Little-Foreman-In-Pink was zoned into Dora The Explorer on her DVD player.....

The puppy was snoring in his fluffy bed under my desk.

I had already finished my 3 cups of chocolate-cream-coffee mmmm when the "urge" hit me. I needed to "Make Water" (That's what the-little-foreman-in-pink calls it. How cute is THAT!?!?)

Anyway....

I softly crept towards the bathroom.... I side-stepped the floorboard that squeaks.... and entered my bedroom (this is the way to the farthest bathroom from the kidos) so they wouldn't hear me.

I softly shut the door.... ***sigh*** I made it! I actually MADE it into the bathroom without a short person or furry puppy following me!!! I was finally , after 14 loooong years, Victorious!!!!

Until....

"Mommmmmy" "I seeee youuuu"

(yes, I need a doorknob on my bathroom door and this wouldn't be as bad... and I wouldn't have has My embarrassing Moment Wednesday)

"Are you making water Mommy?"

"Are you going poopie Mommy?"

"Wook at my eye, Do you see my eye Mommy?"

"Mommy? Helloooooooo."

"Aren't you gonna wave to me Mommy?"

"Hiiiiiiiiii Mommy!!"

"I'm waving to you!"

"Do you see my fingers mommy?"

"Are you gonna wash your hands mommy?"

"Good Job Mommy! Your a BIG Girl!"

It was then that I threw myself down on the couch sobbing in defeat.

Nope.... I can't even do THAT alone....

I love my children.

I wanted to be a mommy.

I wanted a bunch of children.

repeat repeat repeat to myself.

**sigh**

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Young-Men-Folk & HORMONES

It's really foggy outside this morning, That's the excuse I'm using for not being much of a go-getter.
have you ever had one of those days where you find yourself looking around you at the ever-growing list of "to-do's" and yet, you just can't find the strength or desire to "DO" them?
Well.. that's me today. (I have way more of those days than I'd care to admit) The Man-of-My-Dreams is home with his leg propped up on a pillow because he twisted his knee yesterday while running across the yard to stop some teens who decided it would be cool to gather on the lonely dirt road to fist fight! grrrrr

(why is it that teen boys feel they must fight over any little thing?!? People say GIRLS are emotional icky balls of hormones!?!? they must not have BOYS!!!
Why oh why do their testosterone-filled little brains think that hitting someone repeatedly will solve ANYTHING?? I can't think of one single thing that hitting each other will solve! not one!
Sure I'd like to bash the head in of the owner of the dogs who keep getting in my turkey pens and killing my turkeys for being so irresponsible,
Sure there has been more than once I felt like stabbing one of the boys in the eye with a fork when they feel the need to sit beside me and chomp on their ice cubes (another one of my little "issues", we'll visit that later).
Of course I have had to fight the urge to shake the poor little roller-blade-wearing Sonic Car-hop till her head falls off when she brings me a Route 44 Cherry Coke after I ordered a Route 44 DIET Cherry Coke (happens every darn time!).
But do I do any of these things??? nooooooooo.
But then I am not a testosterone-overdosed 16 year old boy.)

Anyway... Man-of-my-dreams goes back to work tomorrow.... so till then I have grounded him to the couch with his leg on a pillow and ice on his knee. (he is NOT a happy camper, he can't stand to sit still for longer than 10 min! hmmmmm I have some benadryl round here somewhere that I can give him to knock him out, I''m sure.) I made him breakfast (well.. I re-heated last nights spaghetti for him) I brought him all 4 remote controls. (I am a GOOD wife!) And he has his glass of sweet tea.

What else have I accomplished so far today?

Emptied the dishwasher (whoo hoo!)
got one load from Mt. Laundry started. (Am I amazing or what?!?)
ate a piece of Brookes Birthday Cake. (getting fatter by the min.)
sat the the computer venting to you about boys and their hormones. (I rock!)

I shouldn't even be here....
I'll be back when I have something worthwhile to report...
how bout you?? Doing anything productive today?

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Wonderful Morning!! Until I heard "IT"!

It was a great morning!!! The Man-of-My-Dreams was home... the sun was shining... My yard & pasture looked GREAT after our week-end of hard work! So great in-fact, that I sat outside this morning to enjoy the sunrise and my first cup of coffee while workers #1-#4 got ready for school. I chatted with the critters... walked around the pond... I had Mr Bluebird on my shoulder etc etc etc... It was just Zippity-Do-Da-Wonderful!

Man-of-My-Dreams needed a new pair of work-boots. So off we went to the store. We chatted while driving and enjoyed the view and the lovely fall day. Strolled hand-in-hand into the store...

Then I heard "IT"! keep in mind that it is only the 5th day of November. It is NOT cold outside. There is No snow. I haven't even butchered our Bird for Thanksgiving yet!

And yet I heard "IT".

I stopped dead in my tracks....
I nudged the Man-of-My-Dreams and asked him... "Do you Hear that???" "Yes... So?" he said. Oh how I hoped I was wrong, but if he heard it too it must be true.

They were playing CHRISTMAS Carols in the store!!!

I couldnt help it... I threw-up a little bit in my mouth.

I am not ready for this!!
have they always started this sooo early???
I thought I had at LEAST until Thanksgiving was over before it started!!

Don't get me wrong.... I love Christmas as much as the next person. I am thankful that God sent his son here for us.

But Christmas Carols about snow.... Lighted trees.... sleigh-bells.... and jolly snowmen on NOVEMBER 5th???? NO.. I am NOT ready for this!

Tell me it's not just me....
I am starting to panic and find ways NOT to go to stores! (well THAT might be a good thing)

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Pig Gardeners!! (Rant of the Day)

No, I'm not talking about "messy" gardeners...
well, wait a minute, maybe I am!

I just don't understand it.
Why Oh Why is it that I can plan my garden for months,
Compost the land, sweetly and carefully care for my seeds and seedlings,
give them the proper amount of water & let them enjoy the fresh clean air and warm healthy sunshine, carefully weed them, and pick off any invading bugs, and inevitably something will happen and they will die?!?
Or, If they don't die, they don't flourish really well.

And all my pigs have to do is be a pig and they produce Tons of beautiful veggies?!?!?

Case in Point....
The Pigs went to freezer camp about 3 months ago.
I was walking in their old pen today to check things out and see if the grass was growing back there and LOOK what I found!!!

Beautiful huh? **humph**

All the pigs did was eat the pitiful cucumbers that I grew and they create this?!?!?

This does NOT seem fair!!

These plants were not watered!

These plants were amongst weeds!

They were well fertilized.. that's it!

This cucumber is laying on a standard-sized roll of paper towels...

Well at least I get to eat the "fruits of THEIR Labor" now!

But It DOES bother me that their garden is better than mine this year!

And it's NOT just cucumbers!!

Look at the tomato plants that are all over the pen too!

Does this seem fair to you??

I think Not!!

Next year I'm just gonna let the pigs do all the work!

And I'll just wait for them to feed me!! We'll see how THEY like it!

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"I Love You" - my Rant of The Day

I was sitting here at my desk trying to figure out what amazingly interesting and intelligent topic to ramble about today when I heard my son (just turned 15) on the phone talking with his girl friend of maybe 3 seconds.
As he hung up he said... "I love you too"....

Oh Dear.. here we go. I doubt he knows this girls last name and he 'loves' her?!? Now, I know how the 15 yr old "I love you thing" is.... I was 15 years old and loved every boyfriend I ever had... But I never ever said it right away..... especially within the first 3 seconds of meeting them!

I think the term "I love..." is used wayyyyy too much now-a-days. I Love this pizza..... I love this car.... I love this hemorrhoid cream (yes, I understand the love of hemorrhoid cream when your pregnant, so that one may be ok.)

But don't you think that the words I Love You should be special?
Your spouse, your family, a dear friend, your pet.... hemorrhoid cream... you know... something or someone that without them in your life you could not be whole and/or completely happy?

So many commercials use "I Love this or that" No you don't..... you might really like it. You might miss it if it wern't there. You might want others to try it. You might be thankful for it. You might really REALLY like it. But you LOVE it? I doubt it. at least not as often as people say "I LOVE this".
Don't get me wrong.... I sometimes do it too.... I LOVE Starbucks. **sigh** but I moved out here to the sticks where there is None and I am still happy!! I am still complete (almost). But in the grand scheme of things I do NOT love Starbucks, Not the way LOVE should be meant in my opinion.

I love my Hubby.
I Love My young Men-folk (might not like em all the time.. but always love em!)
I Love my daughter.
I love my family.
I have some dear friends whom I love.
I love some of my animals/pets.
I love our Homestead.

Yes.. without any of these things I don't believe I could be completely happy. My life would not be whole. My soul would ache if they weren't there.

So.. I urge you to think about it..... I think we need to make the term I Love You special again.
There are lots of other cool words we can use instead of love for things we really really like.... I will do my part and help you ....

Main Entry: love
Part of Speech: noun 1
Definition: adoration
Synonyms:
adulation, affection, allegiance, amity, amorousness, amour, appreciation, ardency, ardor, attachment, case*, cherishing, crash, crush, delight, devotedness, devotion, emotion, enchantment, enjoyment, fervor, fidelity, flame, fondness, friendship, hankering, idolatry, inclination, infatuation, involvement, like, liking, lust, mad for, mash, partiality, pash, passion, piety, rapture, regard, relish, respect, sentiment, soft spot*, taste, tenderness, the hots, weakness, wild for*, worship, yearning, zeal
Antonyms: hate Source:

Roget's New Millennium™ Thesaurus, First Edition (v 1.3.1)Copyright © 2007 by Lexico Publishing Group, LLC. All rights reserved.* = informal or slang

You can thank me later! ;)

Now Go Forth and spread the words and lets make I Love You special again!

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How quickly they forget.

As some of you know.... Me & Mine were featured in a wonderful piece of dramatic theater last year. I am awaiting the call from the Emmy Award committee as we speak. It was a moving documentary on ABC called....
Wife Swap.
***NOTE the pictures on the ABC web site are terrible!!! please know that they were taken in 120 degree heat, and they used the wide angle lens on the camera & not the Pretty-Super-Star lens that they promised me would be on the camera!! I'd say more, but I'm afraid that would jeopardise the lawsuit I have against them for making me look like a fat sweaty pig. I look nothing like that now.... Oh wait a minute.... that was my Stand-in.... that's it... My stand-in..... My Body Double. ***

Anyway....
I'll get into my "Reality TV Show" rant later.

I live in a very small town. I live in a very VERY small town. The TV crew and the filming of our episode of Wife Swap was a very big deal at the time. I was interviewed on the Radio, in the Newspaper, had people ask for my autograph, I was stopped wherever I went by people who just had to get a piece of this big TV star. The paparazzi were everywhere.

It was ok tho.. I promised not forget the little people.. and I didn't.... I kissed babies... I signed autographs for sobbing fans, and made sure my motorcade and entourage was courteous of all the locals. Its just a small price we Big Stars have to pay for our fame.

Well..... even as I sit here, one year later awaiting my Emmy nod, I still have to do some of the mundane things just like all the "normal" people do.

I had to go to the bank. I wanted to cash a check for $9.50. Well I arrived at the bank..... put on my shades so I wouldn't be mobbed by my adoring fans, and went inside.... It seemed the coast was clear so I went to wait in line.... Wait in line!?!?!?!? What?? didn't they know who I was??? So I took off my sunglasses just in case my disguise was too ingenious and working too well for me to get my well deserved perks from the bank.... Nothing..... No one even bothered to ask me if I needed a beverage!! and I DID looked parched you know! I had walked all the way in from the parking lot!! I waited in line.... and waited.... and then waited some more.

"Next" said the lady from behind the counter. "Can I help you?" I walked up to her and quietly said.. "I need to cash a check please." I slid the huge check over to her, she looked at it..... then held it up to the light looking for the watermark to make sure it was real. Then she said .... "I'll need to see some I.D."...

WHAT?!?! ID???? I was shocked and amazed! But then it hit me.... she was probably trying to make me feel like she didn't realize the caliber of star she was dealing with.. you know, sometimes stars like me like to maintain a certain level of anonymity. I told her I appreciated the courtesy. Then she asked me to sign a piece pf paper..

Ah Ha!! I KNEW it! she wanted my autograph!! She slid my check back to me and wanted me to sign the back of it!! and to make things worse, she wanted me to put my thumb print on it too!!! Needless to say.... I will NOT remember to thank her at my award acceptance speech!!

....I'm in a strange mood today. And trying to avoid Mt Laundry.... ignore me.

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